WATCH: China’s propaganda rap hits new low with ‘song’ hyping the ‘Two Sessions’

We miss talking about the Shisanwu

To mark the meetings in Beijing of China’s rubber stamp congress, Chinese state media has fittingly produced its least inspired effort at rap to date.

While previous Chinese propaganda raps at least got points for being insanely catchy or trippy, this “Two Sessions” inspired piece, made by People’s Daily, is less a song than a collection of quickly-spoken platitudes, lacking specifics, melody, and even a chorus.

Curtis Stone, People’s Dailyforeign expert,” introduces the video on the state media outlet’s YouTube channel by claiming that China’s “Two Sessions” has increasingly caught young people’s attention.

“The young generation in China loves their country and they are confident in their nation’s development path,” Stone says inviting viewers outside the Great Firewall to watch the music video, which has accumulated millions of views on Chinese video-sharing sites.

Enjoy:

Watch on QQ video.

In case you were somehow unable to make it all the way through that masterpiece, we’ve transcribed the English lyrics for posterity’s sake:

As is much anticipated, the annual Two Sessions have already opened
Deputies and political advisors gathered in Beijing
Working together to draw a bright blueprint
So many highlights, all these shouldn’t be missed

Let me tell you, a wonderful life is waiting for us
Revitalizing rural areas with a focus on
The Three Rural Issues
China holds tight its bowls to meet the people’s basic needs
Targeted poverty alleviation
Leads us towards the road of common prosperity

Closely follow the steps of building a moderately prosperous society our lives will become even better
Access to education, employment, and housing services
And benefits of pension, health care, and income
have been increased to improve people’s livelihood and social fairness
All the people, man and woman, young and old, applaud it

We are strengthening ecological and environmental protection 
For green hills and clean waters
Beautiful China counts on us
To be constructively built and developed

We must fully and strictly implement the Party discipline
Carry out the reform of the judicial systems
Fight against corruption by taking out “tigers,” swatting “flies,” and hunting down “foxes”
Fostering a healthy political atmosphere of integrity

By advancing scientific and technological innovations
We work together to achieve win-win results
The Belt and Road Initiative has received positive response worldwide
China’s “
four great new inventions” has become an online hit

After forty years of reform and opening up
We’ve initiated a new stage by drawing lessons from the past
We shall cut paths through mountains and build bridges across rivers
Overcoming all difficulties and carrying reform through to the end

As there is no free lunch in the world
Our dreams could be only realized through our own efforts
We roll up our sleeves to work harder
Trying to give the people a satisfactory answer

Roll up our sleeves to work harder
Giving the people a satisfactory answer
Through opening, China has emerged and ushered in a new era
with its contributions widely applauded in the world

To spice things up, the video is interrupted twice by “man-on-the-street” style interviews. The first section features Chinese people praising China’s environmental protection, development, and even its housing prices — it’s at this point where you begin to think that these interviews might not be entirely random.

While the second section of interviews features a pair of foreigners raving about China’s mobile payment systems, high-speed trains, food, and online shopping. The two laowai interviewed are, in fact, popular social media bloggers in China who have sang China’s praises in the past in state media produced videos.

At no point does the rap song mention Xi Jinping, or the proposal which will soon be voted on in Beijing to scrap the limit on presidential terms.