Why Maternal Mental Health Matters
By Kirstin Lopez-Pareja
Last May 2, we celebrated World Maternal Mental Health Day. In light of this, the week-long #RealMotherhood campaign was done wherein mothers around the globe were encouraged to share photos of real, hard motherhood moments which mothers rarely post or talk about. The campaign was brought about by the unrealistic expectations of new moms through what they have seen or read in social media that notherhood should be fun and easy.
In the age of social media where posts are mostly filtered, new moms, especially millenial moms, struggle with what the picture of real motherhood is. Celebrities usually post about how they were able to get their bodies back to their pre-pregnancy state in two months time. Some moms report about their baby’s monthly milestones. And some moms share about how they are able to go to the spa or to the parlor for some me-time. There’s no issue really about these kinds of posts. But, if a new mom, who has not been able to take a bath for a day, has piles of laundry to wash, and has a newborn to feed every hour or two, would see these posts, she may feel that she has done something wrong or different because she was not able to do such things.
This is the reality that the #RealMotherhood campaign aims to address to show moms that motherhood is hard work.
We need mothers to be emotionally and mentally healthy because, let’s face it, they have the primary responsibility of taking care of the children. History, and even evolution, has it that mothers are the primary care-takers of the home. But, this doesn’t mean that she has the sole responsibility of doing so. She is meant to be helped like what the cliche "it takes a village to raise a child" suggests. Whatever the emotional and mental state a mother is in, the home, especially the children, will most likely be affected.
So, aside from the #RealMotherhood challenge, how can we reach out and help new moms?
1. Ask her how she is. When you get a chance to talk to her, ask her how she’s doing, with all the new things motherhood can bring to her life. And when she responds and tells you how her day went, listen to her and affirm her that she’s doing a great job. Sometimes, what all new moms need is a little talk, a little break, amd perhaps a little back rub.
2. Offer a little help in her to-do list. Being new to motherhood may be overwhelming and there may be times that new moms would get tired or frustrated because they were not able to all the things they need to do for that day. So, if you have time, perhaps you can volunteer to be the one to call her pedia for her baby’s next appointment or be the one to do some groceries for her. A little help can go a long way.
3. Be kind, don’t judge. Like all people, all mothers come from different backgrounds, from different walks of life. So, whatever worked for one mom may not necessarily work for the other. So, let her have and do her choice. You may suggest, but don’t direct. If she wants to take the children to the mall, let her. If she wants to let her toddler have screen time, let her. As long as her choices don’t pose a threat to her or her child, let her. To each mom, their own.
And to the new millenial mom, motherhood can get tough, but know that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.. Be kind to yourself.
Remember:
1. Baby books and parenting books are all suggestive. You can read them all you want, but expect that you may not apply everything to your situation. Every child is different, every situation is different. What worked for that mom or for that child may not work for you. So, listen and trust your instinct and your baby’s cues. Babies develop at different paces and you also grow and learn as a mom at your own pace.
2. It’s okay to get help. When everything seems overwhelming, it’s okay to stop and ask for help. It’s okay if you call on your sister or your neighbor or your friend and have them watch over your child for a while so that you can recharge and get some rest. It’s okay if you hire househelp so that you can focus more on your child. It’s okay to get some day off. It’s okay if you can’t do it alone. There is power in being in a community.
3. This, too, shall pass. If baby is being clingy or cranky maybe because of a growth spurt or because of teething, that will pass. If your toddler throws a major tantrum, that will pass. If your child had separation anxiety, that will pass. All the struggles that comes with being a mom, that will pass. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself reading your favorite book with your favorite cup of coffee again like the good old days.
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Kirstin, or Krz for short, is a curious and passionate soul. A guidance counselor in training and mental health advocate, she also likes to dabble in topics like psychology, education, social innovation and leadership. She is now a mother of two beautiful boys which makes her more motivated to make the world a better, loving place.
