The Secret to Getting Unstuck: It’s not self-discipline, it’s self-care

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a procrastination loop? You have grand productivity plans (or even just average ones), but somehow the laundry keeps multiplying. There’s a way out of this mess, and it might surprise you.

TL;DR: Mindset is vital to getting unstuck. Prioritize improving your inner dialogue, view idle time as investments in yourself, limit digital activities (or treat them as rewards), and reframe mundane chores as acts of service.

Q: Every Sunday, I get stuck in a loop where I know I need to start a new week off fresh and energized (new week, new me!) but instead I get stuck in my old habits and procrastinate. I tell myself that I’ll do the laundry, vacuum, change the sheets — maybe even polish the silverware on the off chance I’ll be entertaining a royal (lol). But then I tell myself I can do it tomorrow, or even the week after, and decide to have a little me-time instead. Obviously, this isn’t sustainable. I can’t procrastinate forever!

How can I make sure I’m taking the time I need for myself and also being as ready for the week (and adult) as I can be? I just want to start the week off right and with the right habits!

– Loop-de-loop

A: Is this my old subconscious talking? Because, girl, I have been there. While I don’t claim to have it all figured out now, I do think I’ve set up a good system for hacking the loop-de-loop in my brain (and no, this system does not involve any cleaning hacks).

But before we get into that, I want to remind you that being an adult is so much more than housekeeping. It means taking accountability for your actions — like acknowledging when you’re in an unsustainable situation and deciding to do something about it. It’s also about taking care of yourself — like giving yourself the royal treatment (i.e., a mani-pedi and a bubble bath) rather than polishing silverware for hypothetical royal guests. You already know you are the queen of your realm, which in my book means that you’re already adulting well.

I realize you came to me for advice and not for words of affirmation. But my advice to you, Loop-de-loop, is to focus on honing more positive self-talk rather than self-discipline. To be fair, inner work — like changing your thought patterns and mental associations — is a lot harder than housework. Yet, it’s important to lay that foundation for a more balanced and empowered lifestyle. Our external environments often reflect our internal ones (though sadly, your mental loop will not trigger your laundry’s spin cycle). When we are good at taking care of ourselves, we tend to take better care of other things, too — like our friends and family, our possessions, and even our to-do lists.

As much as you may acknowledge that you deserve time for yourself, it sounds like this time is hampered by a nagging voice in your head telling you what else you “should” be doing. You can’t reap the benefits of a good mental break if you’re guilt-tripping yourself while taking it. Moreover, if you’re always on, it’s only natural to feel a little loopy!

So the first thing I want you to reframe is how you think about “me-time.” While you know that self-care isn’t selfish, it sounds like you consider it to be unproductive or otherwise idle time. I’d encourage you to think about it as an active investment in yourself instead. Rather than tell yourself that you’re “stuck,” I want you to give yourself permission to sink into deep relaxation mode or to bask in a state of bliss. By giving your undivided attention to whatever it is you’re doing — hanging with friends, strolling through nature, curling up with a good book — you’re boosting the quality of that activity, which will make it more satisfying. When an activity is satisfying, it’s likely to replenish your energy rather than deplete it.

Of course, it’s possible that when you’re left to your own devices, you’re literally alone on your devices. While I would like to imagine you frolicking in a forest and exchanging pleasantries with friends over afternoon tea, you probably don’t live in a cottage by a babbling brook straight out of a Jane Austen book (alas). Instead, I suspect you may be scrolling instead of strolling; drifting away to Love Island instead of connecting with loved ones; or clutching a gaming console instead of a romance novel. If this sounds familiar to you (or is it just me?) it’s no wonder that it’s hard to do your household chores! These digital activities provide quick dopamine boosts, but over time, can lead to a lack of motivation to engage in tasks that require any real effort. Essentially, while we may believe we’re switching off our brains, we’re actually subjecting them to autopilot mode, navigating through excessive sensory stimuli, which eventually leads to a mental crash.

“WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!” as the haunting Iain Stirling might shout. Again, I think a reframe would be helpful here. I like to think of these digital activities as “dopamine desserts”: delicious treats, best enjoyed after a hearty or nourishing main course and in moderation. Certainly, as an adult, you have the liberty to indulge in ice cream for breakfast. But if you’re pushing your mid-thirties like me, you also know your body will throw a tantrum about it later. Like sugary sweets, digital activities spike our dopamine levels and leave us with a come-down afterwards — which is precisely why we should get those productive or restorative tasks done first.

Which brings us back to the question you initially posed (the irony that we have come full circle is not lost on me, Loop-de-loop): How can you take time for yourself while also being as ready for the week as you can be?

We have learned some tricks for short-circuiting the mental loop in your brain, and hopefully, by now, you have tended to yourself so well that you have moved on to the laundry. Perhaps, you even did the delicates before treating yourself to a “dopamine dessert.” If not, eventually, yes, you will need clean pants — and if that is not impetus enough, I do have one more trick up my freshly-ironed sleeve. It is time I share with you my mental hack meets cleaning hack: reframing mundane chores as expressions of love. Hear me out…

In his book “The 5 Love Languages,” Dr. Gary Chapman describes different ways people express and receive love — one such way is essentially doing chores: filling up your partner’s gas, watering their plants, cooking them a meal. He calls this love language, “acts of service,” which makes it sound a lot more appealing than doing errands (i.e., energy drainers); or domestic duties (i.e., drudgery); or routine tasks (i.e., regular tedium).

No, I am not suggesting you rush out and find a partner who will handle all your housework for you (although that is a modern-day rendition of Pride and Prejudice I would love to see: Mr. Darcy with a feather duster). I want you to date yourself, and show yourself love through acts of service. I’m urging you to tap into your inner Elizabeth Bennet and overcome your preconceived notions about domesticity. (Oh dear, the Georgian England metaphor has become a bit problematic, hasn’t it?)

You aren’t being relegated to the home — you are choosing to master your domain. Viewed this way, performing chores is just another form of self-care. Cleaning becomes a gift of space to yourself, clearing not just the physical clutter but also the cobwebs from your mind. Fresh sheets aren’t just about hygiene; they offer enhanced comfort and contribute to better sleep — a bedtime ritual akin to tucking yourself in with a goodnight kiss. Embracing these everyday acts as gestures of self-love and care can help elevate your well-being in the process.

One could argue that this is easier said than done, but that argument works in our favor, because this advice is all about what you tell yourself, not what you do. So the next time you think you are “procrastinating,” tell yourself that you’re prioritizing what matters most: You.

Actionable Takeaways

• Shift from Self-Discipline to Self-Talk: Prioritize improving your inner dialogue and recognize that being an adult includes taking care of yourself.
• Reframe “Me-Time”: Treat relaxation and fun not as idle time, but as an investment in yourself. By giving your full attention to truly restful activities, you’ll feel more energized afterwards.
• Limit “Dopamine Desserts”: Digital activities like scrolling or gaming give quick satisfaction but are mentally draining. Do these as a reward after accomplishing more fulfilling tasks.
• Chores as Acts of Self-Love: Reframe mundane chores as gestures of care, transforming them into a different kind of self-care that improves your surroundings.