Owning your time
Day 8/90 — Are you spending your time on self-actualization?
I’ve been wanting to write something on the topic of time for a while now. They say that my generation is occupied with filling their days with meaningful things instead of accumulating riches. That is, when we don’t scroll through social media trying to distract ourselves from the pains of real life, the feeling that something is off.
After thousands of years of mankind, the standard of living in the Western World finally is so high, that we have developed terms such as work/life-balance, purpose-driven, and self-awareness. Many of us have reached the top of Maslow’s Pyramid.
Sunday Neurosis
This weekend I revisited a very important book — Man’s Search for Meaning — in which the author refers to something called Sunday neurosis. The book came out in 1946. A time where people were working so much, that work was their sole purpose. Sunday neurosis referred to the feeling of purposelessness that hit workers on Sundays — usually the only day without work.
“Sunday neurosis, that kind of depression which afflicts people who become aware of the lack of content in their lives when the rush of the busy week is over and the void within themselves becomes manifest.”
While reading these lines I couldn’t fail to realize that I struggle with the same question in a slightly different way. Over 70 years later. However, for me the question is almost reversed.
I feel confident that I know my purpose on this planet. I know what activities have meaning for me, I’m mostly aware of my needs — including my need for self-actualization.
I’ve been there — I have tried to define work, earning a living, as my main purpose. I tried to go the path of studying what would most likely result in job security, working with what would bring the fastest career growth. It didn’t fullfil my need for self-actualization. So I had to re-adjust.
One could say, I spun the pyramid. Self-actualization is now the core need that must be met for me to feel any kind of meaning in all the other blocks.
In order to achieve this, I had to win back my time.
The case of lost time
From the day we are born we have little influence on how we spend our time. We go to school for numerous years, maybe study, then find a job to become independent. Often we need our time off to relax — to gather new energy for another day of spending our time on something that has little meaning to us. Only few of us are lucky enough to land in a field of work that is so fulfilling, our need for self-actualization is met. Most of us never meet this need. We call it the rat-race.
A rat race is an endless, self-defeating, or pointless pursuit. It conjures up the image of lab rats racing through a maze to get the “cheese” much like society racing to get ahead financially.
But really the only thing we are racing is our own time.
Winning back your time
Time is relative. It’s especially relative to the meaningfulness of what we spend it on. How can you win back your time?
I believe, the only way we can win back ownership of our time is by spending it on self-actualization. What activities make you more self-actualized?
Here’s a brief summary of what Maslow himself said about this.
Embracing the ambiguous
A self-actualized person is characterized by the ability to not feel threatened or afraid of the unknown or ambiguous. The more self-actualized you are, the more comfortable you are with the unknown — or even attracted to it.
Self-acceptance
At the core of the journey to self-actualization lies the acceptance of the self. Instead of thinking about how or who you’d rather be, personal characteristics — even shortcomings — are turned into and perceived as strengths. Only then can you build the confidence needed to relentlessly aim for self-actualization.
Journey > Destination
A self-actualized person finds the journey towards a goal just as enjoyable as achieving the goal itself. Once you find purpose in where you’re going, you find purpose in what you do — and can enjoy every part of it. Regarding the journey as part of the goal also makes it easier to deal with potential failures and sufferings.
Growth > Satisfaction
While most people are still struggling in the lower rungs of the ‘Hierarchy of Needs,’ the self-actualized person is focused on personal growth, and appreciates that growth more than any physical satisfaction.
The bigger picture
Self-actualized people are able to withstand small struggles by focusing on the bigger picture, the end goal. This impression of being above small things is extremely beneficial to feel connected with your purpose.
Gratefulness
A self-actualized person knows that living a purpose-full life is a lifelong commitment — and that it’s only possible if the lower-ranked needs are met. This means a self-actualized person doesn't take their blessings for granted, but instead focuses on how grateful they are for being able to commit their time to meaningful things. With this gratefulness also comes humbleness.
Owning decisions
Self-actualized people don’t allow their opinions, decisions, and choices to be molded by society or culture. They try to make their own decisions, purely based on their belief in what’s good. They have their own ethical code. Maslow says:
“They make up their own minds, come to their own decisions, are self-starters, are responsible for themselves and their own destinies. […] too many people do not make up their own minds, but have their minds made up for them by salesmen, advertisers, parents, propagandists, TV, newspapers and so on.They are the most ethical of people even though their ethics are not necessarily the same as those of the people around them […because] the ordinary ethical behavior of the average person is largely conventional behavior rather than truly ethical behavior.”
Does this benefit my self-actualization?
I’ve dedicated most of my time to my personal journey towards self-actualization. This means I cut down on a lot of things that ate my time before. Every time I make a decision to do or not do something, I ask myself “Does this benefit my self-actualization?” If the answer is no, I try to avoid it.
I believe this is actually a lot easier to do than most think. Once you’ve connected with your personal purpose and have realized how important living it is to you, you’ll see clearer.
Some thoughts that helped me:
You don’t actually need as much money as you think. If work is taking away the time you need to embrace self-actualization, cut back on it (unless, of course, you can make work part of your journey).
Small steps have big impact. Let’s say you find your purpose is teaching others how to draw. You don’t need to commit hours every week to setting up and hosting drawing lessons. Preparing a lesson, practicing your skills, making a youtube-video, or giving a lesson every other week can be enough to make you feel more fulfilled and bring you further on your journey.
You can always start now. Do something that boosts your self-actualization today. You’ll feel good about it and surely do it again. Sooner rather than later, it will become a habit.
I own most of my time now. Do you?
Want to contribute to shared and done?
Send in your submission via medium or email me.
This is day 8 of 90 days that I will be sharing something I’ve learned here in this publication. Don’t miss it.
