4 Points that prove God has the best Comedic Timings
You may think God laughs at us from time to time, but do you think He has a sense of humor?
Well, of course, He does. God created mankind in his own image. If we have some sense of humor, then God must also have a similar attribute. In fact, He has the greatest comedic timing I’ve ever seen. He chose me as one of his servants. If that’s not a great sense of humor, I don’t know what is. And as His true disciple, it’s my duty to enlighten you more of His humorous side. So here we go…
- Creation of the ‘CREATION’
The universe was working as usual. The planets revolved around the stars. Asteroids went about their way. Every now and then, a black hole would appear and fuck shit up. In some far corner of the universe, God was pulling up all-nighters playing Call of Duty & watching Netflix. For the next few months, He didn’t leave his apartment. The floor was littered with leftover food ordered from the internet. Until one day he decided that He was tired of moping around. So He decided to change his life and started his own startup and named it CREATION.
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. “Let there be light,” He said. And there was light. On the second day, God created the ocean and the sky. “Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters,” He said. And there was the ocean. God was so engrossed that he worked continuously for seven days on His hackathon project. He was so committed to the new venture that He also hired his first unpaid interns, Adam and Eve. He was pretty good at this.
But the humor was missing. And God knows how to get back in the game. So He puts up a rule in His office in heaven. “Unpaid interns can enjoy unlimited food from the office pantry. Except apples. Disobedience of order may lead to permanent transfer to field office Earth.”
And then one fine day He catches them red handed eating this juicy red apple.
“Are you out of your mind?” asked God, and Adam while pointing his fingers towards Eve stammers, “Uh, well, I, uh… It’s my wife’s fault. She made me do it.” (And that’s how we men inherited this amazing skill of blaming our wives for everything. We being the children of Adam, it’s in our blood)
So after listening to what Adam has to say, God finally commands in his usual, godly voice, “Eve! I sanction you to endure the pain of childbirth and Adam! I sanction you to endure the pain of a WIFE.” He then kicked them out of the heavens to do field works on Earth.
And the misery still continues…
2. Creating all the Religions
To run his startup, CREATION, God hired more interns through an unpaid angel internship. As time passed, the interns started complaining about the bad H.R. policy and work without pay.
But God firmly believed that the interns were getting all the valuable experience they need on the job. “Flying down to earth and saving people from death may be a bummer, but it sure as hell builds character. This was critical to their angelic development, and the last thing angels should be worried about is a livable wage. Also, to run CREATION, I have to be fiscally conservative. Who do they think I am? Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.” God was some how managing the finances and trying to run the company.
But the humor was missing. And God knows how to get back in the game. So he circulated an e-mail to all his unpaid interns that said:
Paid exciting overseas opportunity on Earth. Earn in prayers. Successful interns to be promoted to the rank of Prophets. Don’t miss this exciting opportunity. Go make your own religion!
Now, there are roughly 4200 existing religions, many others withered with time. So we all know how many interns applied…
3. Taking utmost care of our food requirements
When we say God is all merciful, we don’t just say it. He provided us humans Broccoli, Spinach, and all kind of yellow and green vegetables and fruits so they could live a long and healthy life. Humans were lean and fit.
But the humor was missing. And God knows how to get back in the game. So He created McDonald’s and McDonald’s brought forth the double cheese chicken burger. And then God said to Man, “You want fries with that?”
And we all know what human replied…
4. Helping me with my depression
After breaking up with my imaginary girlfriend, I was into pieces. Everywhere I looked there was brokenness. Nothing seemed to make sense. Why was there such suffering in the world? I felt at a loss. I didn’t know how to manage my feelings. I was alone, I felt isolated, and wondered if anyone would want to be with me. So I started praying. I wanted answers to all my questions hoping one day He would surely reply. I was sad and crestfallen.
But the humor was missing. And God knows how to get back in the game. So He listened to me and started talking back. We used to discuss Day and Night about the pain and suffering in the world.
But my parents noticed this unusual behavior of mine and took me to a Psychologist. The shrink declared me a schizophrenic.
And only I know how bad the food is in a mental asylum…
I hope with this blog I haven’t hurt anyone’s religious sentiment. Trust me, I myself firmly believe in Him. And for those who say, “Why does God let bad things happen to people” has clearly never purposefully drowned one of their GTA characters in the sea. Just allow Him the margin of infinity to prove Himself. Afterall, He is busy creating yet another comical masterpiece.
Prayers and blessings to those who read, liked and shared this blog. Cursed are those who didn’t :P
