I Will Not Defend Myself
October 14, 2023
For nearly a year I have had the intention of writing messages to you on Saturday evening just after the havdalah candle was extinguished. I thought that timing might punctuate Shabbat, as it would bring the inspirations and aspirations of my rested and recharged brain after I had experienced the spiritual warmth of Shabbat. I thought it would help us enter into our week of creating and doing with a spark of the holiness that comes from Shabbat. For months, I had good intentions and I just couldn’t get it together to make it happen. And after the last seven days of unimaginable horror, I recognize now that I may never be able to “get it together” ever again. Tonight, I write to you with the same intention that I had months before but now everything is different.
I wrote and rewrote this message about 120 times in my head. The messages I wrote in my head had caveats and explanations that could have been read as defensive. The messages I wrote in my head were riddled with my desire to share the nuanced complexity of some of the many sides of history. But I stopped because this moment is not like any other moment in my lifetime and perhaps in Jewish history.
My support for Israel is unwavering. I will not defend myself or Israel.
Here is why… I am only free to be a Jewish person in the United States of America because of Israel. I am only able to help create vibrant Jewish life in San Diego because of Israel. I am only able to raise Jewish children with the values, morals, ritual, traditions of Judaism because of Israel. I can only be me because of Israel. There is no separation between me and the people of Israel because I am a part of the people of Israel. And my Jewish friends, I’d like to remind you, you are too.
This week, I have had so many conversations with people that deeply care. Some of those conversations were with our community members and JCC staff of other faiths and no faith, they asked how to support our Jewish community and Israel. I thanked them for their allyship by choosing to be a part of our community each and every day. I asked them to openly share their love and support so others can learn from their example.
Some of those conversations were with parents raising Jewish children who are very scared. They are so afraid not only for Israel but for Jewish life across the globe as we know it. In one of the conversations, a parent said “it is so hard to be Jewish, I feel responsible and guilty for passing this burden to my children.
How can I help them?”
This took my breath away.
Here was my response “Sometimes being Jewish is very hard. But it is never a burden. And in the moments when it seems very hard your children will need ALL of the joys of Judaism to make it through.” As those words crossed my lips it dawned on me … most of the Jewish people I know do not regularly participate in the rituals and traditions. They don’t celebrate and observe the full calendar of holidays. They don’t have the foundational joy of what it is to be Jewish. And as the tears welled up in my eyes, I said “if you are not sure how to create that joy for your children, I will help you learn so that you and they can find why being Jewish is worth it, even when it’s hard.”
This week and the weeks to come are not moments for debate and nuance, it is our moment to stand with Israel. It is our moment to be overtly Jewish and openly practice our rituals and traditions. Not to show others who are intent to harm us that we are not afraid, but to remind ourselves that we are Israel and that Judaism is joy, meaning and purpose.
Here is my invitation:
If you never lit Shabbat candles, I will show you how.
If you have never baked a challah, I will share my recipe.
If you have never read a Jewish text, I will help you find one that has meaning to you.
If you have never learned the rituals and traditions of Jewish mourning and you need to grief,grieve I will help you find resources and be part of your minyan (10 people needed to say mourning prayers)
If you are a faith other than Jewish or no faith, I invite you to check on your Jewish and Israeli friends. They are not ok and they need your love.
If you have never been to Israel, I will show photos and share my memories.
If you have never prayed regardless of your faith, I will pray with you.
I am still learning to pray. And thanks to the teachings of my Rabbi, over the last seven days, I was able to open my broken heart and pray for strength for the families of my murdered and missing friends; pray for strength for my friends who will defend Israel in the IDF; pray for strength for my Israeli American friends who have their feet on American soil and their heart in Israel; pray for strength for my community in San Diego; and pray for strength, patience, and moral clarity for myself because I am Israel.
Am Yisrael Chai.
Betzy Lynch, CEO
