Stakeholders: the art of persuasion
On the 26th of March, we hosted our first online meetup about the art of negotiating with and persuading stakeholders.
We weren’t exactly planning on doing something like this so suddenly, but doing what we “normally” do is no longer an option for anyone. Nevertheless, as unprepared as we may have felt, it turned out to be an excellent event, and even left me with time to spare for last minute panic buying before the lockdown came into effect.
I for one felt more inspired and connected with a community that is especially important right now while we are all isolated. We even had people join us from other parts of the world, including Belgium, the UK, and even Cape Town — a reach we arguably wouldn’t have had if we weren’t forced into this position.
Star of the evening
We were really privileged to host Alex Oloo, Design Director at Absa (and our first male speaker) to talk to us and conduct a workshop on the art of negotiating with and persuading stakeholders.
Alex describes himself as “an engineer by trade, a designer by necessity, and a jack of all trades for fun.” He says he’s been writing code for almost a decade, designing for half of that, and continues to follow a passion for learning new things and debugging systems, code, and people.
And it is that debugging of people that came most in handy for us that evening. Because pandemic or not, if you’re employed in the design industry, the struggle with stakeholders is the gift that keeps on giving.
In fact, the issue is in some ways even more relevant right now, since any negotiation involves the added struggle of getting everyone on the Zoom call to hear you clearly over a frozen screen capturing your most unflattering expression. Any advantage that comes from being able to ask the stakeholder in person for more time or money is lost in social distancing cyberspace.
The personal touch
Of course, Alex didn’t include the fact that he has an incredibly calming voice in his bio, a fact which may or may not skew things in his favour when speaking to stakeholders. In fact I don’t know Alex’s hourly rate but I think my therapist might have competition.
Before this event, I must confess the phrase “negotiating with stakeholders” gave me clammy hands and visions of struggling to get the HDMI cable to work to present a detailed powerpoint deck I worked on till 2am to a bunch of suits in a boardroom, who I know will only tell me there is no time or budget for fanciful things like usability testing.
But Mr. Oloo seemed to have already worked his convincing tactics on my approach to stakeholders by the end of his talk.
Alex clearly has a wealth of knowledge about the subject matter to educate us on how to mitigate situations like this. But his own personal war stories and scars from many a battle as a dev and designer are really what gave me hope that a successful negotiation is not just a fairytale.
TLDR: Essentially every conversation with a stakeholder is one with a human being who has their own set of insecurities and stresses. Yes, stakeholders have feelings too, and both parties need to help one another to meet their respective needs and goals. Instead of walking into that boardroom ready for battle with your MacBook Pro and sharpies, find some compassion and start with a cup of coffee (and some subtle manipulation).
Use brain science, aka sorcery
A word of caution, though, before you start making friendship bracelets for your new best friend aka the stakeholder. It’s not as simple as that. Don’t set your expectations too high, says Alex. You can’t just tell people what to do and you can’t simply express your own views and expect everyone to listen. It’s like prospecting for gold, he says. You’re going to have to sift through a huge amount of dirt before you find success.
It takes skill, and it takes practice.
Amongst the sources he referenced was behavioural psychologist Susan Weinschenk, whose book, “How to Get People to Do Stuff: Master the Art and Science of Persuasion and Motivation”, provides a guide to understanding the seven drives that motivate people, and how to use them to not only get people to do the things you want them to do, but to actually want to do those things. It’s an enjoyable read, along with some of her other work.
Then came former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, who I discovered recently because Masterclass keeps advertising his course on the art of negotiation all over my social media feeds (I’m sure that has nothing to do with my extensive searches for online courses to sign up for during the lockdown).
Alex broke down some of the tips that Voss lays out. You can (and should) hear a more detailed explanation in the video, but here is a brief summary:
- Mirror like a dj: Repeat the the stakeholder’s words back to them to show you are listening; and adjust your pitch and tone (like a late night radio DJ) to build empathy and encourage them to open up.
- Label: Use “tactical empathy”. Proactively label their fears to show them you understand, and they will start to let their guard down.
- Defuse the negative: If you messed up, didn’t deliver on time, and had to cut corners, own up to that up front. Expressing possible accusations before they do prevents resentment from building.
- Look for the Black Swan: Don’t go into the negotiation focused on only one thing. If you keep your mind open you might discover some insights in the conversation that could help you to come to a resolution.
I have needs too!
If we only focus on understanding the needs of the stakeholder, Alex points out that that assumes we have everything we need and don’t need help. But it’s important to remember that you have your own needs, insecurities and fears, and stakeholders need to help you get what you need, too.
To bring the focus back to his own human needs, Alex says he’s learnt a few lessons from an insightful (if a bit weird) book called “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
So you didn’t deliver on your work in time. Going in guns ablazing, focused only on defending the fact that you weren’t given enough time, i.e. “violent communication”, isn’t helpful. Remember, stakeholders want to help you too (I’ll take Alex’s word for it on that one for now).
The flipside of having a strategy that acknowledges your stakeholder’s needs, is a strategy that acknowledges your own. This strategy involves “nonviolent communication”, which, applied to our missed deadline issue, would follow this basic guide, as laid out in the book:
- Observe: I didn’t have enough time.
- Feelings: I feel disappointed that I didn’t deliver.
- Needs: I need to deliver so I feel I am adding value.
- Request: “Please keep me updated about what EXCO is thinking and feeling, so I can keep that in mind in case there is a last minute request.”
If they don’t know what you want and need, they can’t help you.
“Help them win”
Things don’t always go according to plan. Alex stressed the importance of learning from every encounter, and using this to prepare for the next negotiation. Become more self-aware. Bounce ideas off your peers.
Before we moved into the workshop part of the event, Alex ended his talk with the wise words of H. Jackson Brown, Jr:
“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”
The key is to care about your stakeholder. They need you to help them feel secure. Develop a sense of trust, have a few coffees before the negotiation, learn to listen.
I highly recommend you watch the video of the talk.
Afterwards, Alex conducted a superb workshop around strategising negotiation tactics with different stakeholder personas. You really need to be part of a workshop to appreciate it’s value though, so check back on our Meetup page for our April event to join in on the next one!
You can follow Alex at @alekcz.
