“She Says” with Allie Sundet
You know… We’re never too old to learn a thing or two from our mothers. From the moment they discover they are carrying us, they immediately go into mom mode, thinking about how to protect us, give us the best of everything, and teach us things like how to be kind, compassionate, and loving human beings. We also learn from them how to balance, shift, and adjust, all while showing up for others and caring for ourselves during life’s most uncertain moments. Because, after all, when they gave birth to us, they also gave birth to new versions of themselves. Versions they have never met, nor known, were inside of them, and spend years simultaneously nurturing us while re-learning how to nurture themselves, within and outside of motherhood. Lessons like this are important, especially today, as we remember to put ourselves first and still practice self-love in the midst a deluge of assaults on our rights from the new administration.
New mom and Women Employed (WE) volunteer, Allie Sundet, knows this all too well. After giving birth to her son five months ago, she is learning how to balance life as a working mom, a partner, and a supporter, and still find time to center her own needs and cultivate joy. And she is taking it all in stride by demanding small increments of time to practice self-care — and recognize that as an act of resistance — enforcing her boundaries, learning how to relinquish control, and being vulnerable with her community when she is in need. She’s also instilling some of those same lessons in her son so that he’ll know how to fill his own cup back up when it is empty, or when life delivers him a difficult hand.
As the saying goes, “The mothers will save us all,” and in this month’s “She Says,” we talk with mother, Advocacy and Marketing Council member, Allie Sundet about the importance of pouring back into herself, centering her own voice, and protecting her peace.
Tell me about yourself.
My background is in marketing, specifically for social impact businesses and organizations that create economic mobility for women. That’s where my focus has been over the last decade, and it gives me that balance between creativity and strategy. It’s where I get to create awareness for people to get involved with social impact initiatives geared toward women and children.
I am a new mom. My son is now five months old. Since I returned to work at the end of November, I have been trying to balance this new identity of becoming a working mom and also being involved with Women Employed as much as possible. WE’s mission really resonates with me. Not just from a professional standpoint, but it aligns with my personal values.
I’ve been involved with the Marketing Council for about four years now and have both attended and volunteered at The Working Lunch. It’s such an incredible annual event that really re-energizes me to get involved with the organization. And highlights how the organization impacts women’s lives and drives policy change through storytelling.
How were you introduced to WE?
During the pandemic, while we were quarantined, I wanted to deepen my involvement with organizations that supported working women. At the time, WE provided many virtual options to get involved, and it was a great way to attend meetings and volunteer my time. I joined both the Advocacy and Marketing Councils at a time when a lot of essential workers, many of whom were women with families that were affected by COVID, didn’t feel supported in the workplace. The pandemic really highlighted the disparities that working women face and brought it to the forefront. It was a time to take action and get involved and I’m grateful to have been able to do that during that time and after.
As a new mother, how have you been able to find your balance and cultivate joy for yourself?
That’s such a good question and one that I think about weekly. It’s so easy in this new role to forget about what I need as an individual. I typically pick a word for the year that represents my hopes or vision for what I want the year to look like, and this year is “balance.” Trying to find that balance between taking care of my family, and my career, as well as taking care of and pouring back into myself. Because if I’m depleted, everything else suffers.
Those moments of self-care have drastically decreased. So maybe it looks like ten minutes a day of journaling or meditating. Maybe it’s enjoying my coffee for five minutes before the baby wakes up. It’s just taking those moments and shifting my mindset around taking care of myself in this season and just being grateful for that time. And even relinquishing a little bit of control.
As a new parent, it’s hard to transition to someone else taking care of my son. He’s currently in daycare, so it was hard relinquishing that so quickly. But that has allowed me to participate in other areas of my life while making that quality time with my son so much sweeter. It’s so much more meaningful.
Why is it important to practice self-love, especially now, during a time of great uncertainty?
I think we sometimes view self-care and self-love as frivolous acts. But at this moment, it can be seen as an act of resistance. Like, I’m going to take care of myself even when the world is telling me that maybe I don’t really matter that much, or that my voice isn’t as important, or that I am not contributing enough. And, to counteract those messages, whether they’re coming from the outside world or internally, by pouring back into me.
How are you teaching your son self-compassion during moments of uncertainty?
That’s a hard one. And it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I think the way I will teach him self-compassion is by grounding him in our family values to use as a guide through moments of uncertainty. I have already started practicing affirmations with him to remind him of who he is and celebrate his identity. And I hope to continue cultivating a community that encourages this practice and supports him. Lastly, my partner and his family will share stories of his ancestors who exemplified resilience and strength through moments of great uncertainty to remind him of where he comes from.
Our theme for the year is Centering Women’s Voices. But how do you center your own voice and your own needs?
There are a couple of ways. In the day-to-day or week-to-week with my partner and my family, I think about what I need to be able to take care of them, as well as myself, and practice that. It’s also important to set boundaries. I’ve stepped into this new role of becoming a mother and have to really think about what I am able to give in addition to my other priorities outside of parenthood. And using my voice to advocate for the change that I want to see because that impacts me, my community, and my son as he’s growing up. So, using my voice in that way is really important to contribute where I can.
Sometimes, self-love and self-care are asking for help. How do you honor yourself by leaning on your community in times of need?
I’ve had to do a lot that recently since becoming a parent. My family does not live in the Midwest, so we’re cultivating a support system where we can reach out to people if we ever need anything. We’re being intentional about those relationships, and also giving back. There will come a day when somebody may need support from me, and I want to be able to offer that to them.
Those relationships that I have cultivated, that support my family want to see the best for my son. And so, I think about who’s going to show up for him as a mentor and help shape him as he grows up. I’m intentional about seeking out those relationships and being vulnerable enough to ask for help with things like cleaning up or just inviting someone into my personal space, into my mess, and admitting that I’m struggling or don’t have it all together.
How do you protect your peace?
Protecting my peace is recognizing what’s within my control. When I just sit and stew on things, it can feel very disempowering. So, for me, I like to learn how I can take action even when it comes to the smallest things. Knowing that I am working towards a different goal or outcome is very helpful, and can look differently, like signing a petition, volunteering at Women Employed, or disengaging from social media. It’s actions that are empowering me to cultivate a different outcome.
