A Week on Minder

The most interesting thing about a dating app is everyone’s reaction to it. There are virulent deniers, medium deniers, closet deniers, and wistful deniers. I have never spoken to someone who’s had a healthy relationship with their online dating app of choice. The most delicious moment is when someone’s eyes grow big at the mention of online dating then comes the ensuing sigh of exasperation, then later cupped hands are low key swiping on a touchscreen. SHEzaadis stand tall! Undo the veil in your mind that tells you that initiative is not yours to take, and not to be taken online. Legitimacy is a two way road, and you can take from it only as much as you put in. It’s in all not a terrible way to meet other hetero Muslims, especially if you are not immediately around many. Whether there are any less fuck boys and fuck girls here than on other apps remains to be seen.

Here are some figures I’ve collated from my experience on Minder so far.

Top greetings:

  • Assalaamu aleikum
  • Deen & duniya
  • Allahu Akbar
  • IG handle
  • A family member made them join
  • Looking for marriage

Most populous places:

  • Ontario
  • Cali
  • Midwest
  • NYC / NJ
  • Texas

Ratio of photos taken to selfies — 5:3

Ratio of beards to non-beards — 9:1

Ratio of smiles to non-smiles — 3:4

Ratio of Minder deniers to non deniers — 5:2

Worst pickup lines (admittedly, some are pretty creative):

  • You dtf?
  • You don’t look like someone who would use this app
  • I was told I’d find my wife on here
  • I can’t seem to find the other half of my deen. Can you help me?
  • My friends said hot brown girls don’t use Minder. What are you doing here?
  • Bad app. Better you give number
  • You sure you are Pakistani?
  • Why u single bby
  • I’d make umrah between those mountains ;)
  • It was written :*
  • Those eyes just broke my wudu
  • Hope your deen is as pure as that smile
  • I don’t like to swear but I saw your face and thought Alhumdulillah!
  • Whose nikkah did you break to wind up on here
  • They told me you can’t pray to idols but then you showed up ;)
  • I guess my duas got answered!

From this mild to severe harassment is a great opportunity to speak of the inevitable drawbacks of Minder. The major is that it is glitchy and crashes constantly, making contact with a match difficult to follow up on. Notifications are delayed or sometimes forgotten, and refreshing the conversation doesn’t often work. Makes it all the more convenient to ask for a number, supposedly. This app parses your data from Facebook so you have to keep your account active, and can only upload pictures from there. This, however, doesn’t mean that essential information like location, age, and occupation are required, so there are many empty profiles. You cannot filter matches by location, nor can you select a queer option for your sexuality. This app is for straight Muslims only. You can depict on a bar scale your level of religiousness, which is as stupid as it is extraneous. Would love to see this replaced by a fob meter, personally.

We have yet to see if it’s all for naught, but till then Minder away, SHEzaadis!

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