Why Being Weird Might Equal Happiness

And how you can test this theory.

Marcia Hylton, aka Marcia Unbound | Travel Writer

8 min readJun 9, 2024

Why I Chose My Authentic Self Amidst Societal Pressures And How You Can Too

I recently read a 2013 quote from The Vice’s interview with American actor and musician Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) where he says, “I tried to kill myself… I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t living up to my standard. I was living up to other people’s standards.”

Donald’s story is all too common and is an example of what happens when we attempt to live our lives in pursuit of other people’s dreams.

We too often wear masks and adopt roles shaped by society’s expectations and the influences of our upbringing. These external forces create molds that feel more like prisons than accurate reflections of who we are inside.

I sometimes wonder, “Would this world be more at peace if more of us embraced our weirdness and lived our truths?” and “Would there be more joy if we did, in fact, ‘live and let live.’” Is all of this anger, envy, and resentment because, beneath our masks, we are all repressing our beautifully strange and unique selves?

Understanding our deepest, most authentic selves requires the courage to question these norms and step beyond the constraints imposed by others’ opinions and expectations.

This article explores why it’s essential to challenge these societal boxes, be weird, and discover the joy, mystery, and gift of being authentically you.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu

Giving Into Influence Comes With A Heavy Price Tag

I recently read a New York Times article discussing what happens when women decide to make themselves the main characters in their lives. Let’s just say there’s often a price to pay, but is it a price we can afford? It’s truly up to each woman to decide, and that’s the point.

“Rejection and the fear of rejection-is the biggest impediment we face to choosing ourselves.” ~ James Altucher

Here are three heavy costs we pay when we give our power away.

The hefty price of giving into influence to choose traditional roles as mother and wife

Heavy Price #1: We Conform and Don’t Live Authentically

From a young age, society teaches us to fit in and adhere to social norms, often at the expense of our unique identity. This conformity can stifle our true selves, leading us to live lives that fulfill others’ expectations rather than our desires.

Colleen’s Story — Colleen is a talented dancer who, from a young age, felt alive and free only when performing. However, growing up in a small, conservative community where traditional career paths were valued over artistic pursuits, Colleen was steered toward a more “practical” profession in accounting by her family.

Despite achieving career stability and the approval of her community, the joy and passion she once felt on the dance floor never surfaced in the office. The constant suppression of Colleen’s true desires for the sake of societal acceptance left her feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, and she longs for the days when she could use dance as her genuine self-expression.

Heavy Price #2: We Live In Fear Of Other People’s Judgment Or Rejection

Society’s opinions can be a mighty prison. The fear of being judged or rejected for being different can prevent many people from expressing their honest thoughts, feelings, and ambitions.

Stephanie’s Story—Stephanie is a successful architect who cherished her independent lifestyle and had no desire for marriage or children despite being in a committed heterosexual relationship.

However, societal and familial pressures constantly challenged her choices, with relatives and friends often remarking on the supposed incompleteness of her life without the “traditional” markers of marriage and motherhood. Stephanie felt increasingly isolated when facing relentless questioning and thinly veiled judgments at every family gathering and social event.

Ultimately, she succumbed to these expectations, marrying and attempting to conform to the conventional family model, hoping it would end the scrutiny. Despite her efforts, she often felt a profound disconnect, mourning the loss of the life she truly wanted, one that resonated with her core values and desires.

Heavy Price #3: We Miss Opportunities For Deeper Self-Discovery

When we spend our lives within the safe confines of familiar beliefs and behaviors, we miss out on discovering diverse aspects of ourselves.

This lack of self-exploration can lead to a life of unfulfilled potential and simmering discontent, leading to us deeply resenting others who reject the confines of these expectations.

Michael’s Story—Michael is a corporate lawyer who has always followed a well-trodden path set by his family’s expectations. From attending a prestigious law school to securing a position at a top firm, his life was a series of checkboxes that others had laid out for him. Despite his success, Michael felt a lack of fulfillment and often envied those who pursued careers driven by passion rather than prestige.

His discontent grew as he watched his college friends thriving in less traditional careers like art and entrepreneurship, careers he had once dreamed of but never pursued due to fear of breaking away from familial and societal norms. This envy sometimes turned into resentment, not only towards those who lived according to their true desires but also towards himself for not daring to explore beyond the boundaries of the expected.

Six Exercises To Help With Self-Discovery Pushing Back Against Societal Pressures And Embracing Weird

“I went for years not finishing anything. Because, of course, when you finish something, you can be judged.” — Erica Jong

Pushing Back Against Traditional Roles As Wife and Mother and Embracing Self-Discover

Self-Discovery Exercise #1: Start By Questioning And Reflecting

Begin by questioning the beliefs and values you grew up with and held on to. Reflect on their origins and consider whether they align with your feelings and aspirations. Use journaling tools for this reflection, clearly noting how societal expectations have shaped your choices and whether these choices have brought you joy or fulfillment.

Try This Exercise!
Create a “Belief Audit” chart. Divide the page into Belief, Origin, and Serves Me columns. List beliefs you’ve adopted, pinpoint where they came from (family, media, culture), and mark whether they positively serve your current life. This visual aid will help you recognize which parts of your belief system need reevaluation or removal to express your true self better.

Self-Discovery Exercise #2: Practice Mindful Meditation

Engage in mindful meditation to develop a deeper awareness of your thoughts and emotions. This practice can help you identify the aspects of your personality that external influences have molded versus those that are innately yours.

Try This Exercise!
Start with a simple five-minute daily meditation. Sit in a quiet spot, close your eyes, and focus solely on your breathing. Whenever a thought about expectations or judgments arises, mentally note it as “other’s voice” and gently return your focus to your breath. This practice helps differentiate your true thoughts from those influenced by external pressures.

Self-Discovery Exercise #3: Try Personality Tests For Deeper Insight

Personality tests are perfect but an excellent place to start your process. Utilizing personality tests can help you gain insights into your inherent traits and learn how they differ from the persona you may have adopted in response to societal pressures. In my case, the Myers-Briggs personality test results tell me I am an INTP. The results give me a neutral ground for understanding my natural inclinations.

Try This Exercise!
Take a free online version of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the Enneagram test. After receiving your results, spend some time researching the characteristics of your type. In your journal, reflect on how these traits match your perception of yourself and where societal expectations might have overshadowed them.

Self-Discovery Exercise #4: Embrace Body Awareness

Connect with your body’s wisdom through yoga, dance, or other physical activities. These practices help reveal the unspoken truths about your needs and desires, often silenced by our society’s louder voices.

Try This Exercise!
Engage in a weekly yoga session focused on body scanning. Start at your toes and move upwards, noticing areas of tension or ease. This practice can highlight how societal stress manifests in your body and help you learn to release these tensions, aligning more closely with your physical needs and natural intuition.

Self-Discovery Exercise #5: Get Into Creative Expression As An Act Of Rebellion

Use creativity as a form of rebellion against societal norms. Whether it’s through painting, writing, or music, creative expression allows you to explore and manifest your true self without the constraints of conventional approval. You don’t have to be great at it. Permit yourself to use it as a tool for self-discovery and healing.

Try This Exercise!
Start a “freedom” art project. Choose any medium you’re comfortable with — painting, writing, music — and create something that represents what breaking free from societal norms means to you. Don’t aim for perfection; aim for raw, unfiltered self-expression.

Self-Discovery Exercise #6: Explore Your Spiritual Dimensions

Investigate spiritual practices that resonate with your beliefs, not just those you were raised with. Exploring different spiritual practices can provide a broader perspective on life and your place in it, encouraging a deeper connection with your true self.

Try This Exercise!
Dedicate a month to exploring different spiritual practices, spending a week on each. Try meditation, attending religious services, reading spiritual texts, or spending time in nature. Reflect daily on how these practices make you feel and whether they bring a sense of greater connection to your core self.

Give Yourself Permission To Uncover And Embrace Your Authentic Self

Give Yourself Permission To Do The Work Of Uncovering Your Authentic Self

Uncovering the most authentic version of ourselves is an act of bravery and defiance against the pressures of conformity. It involves peeling away the layers of societal expectations and exploring the depths of our own identity.

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.” ~ Madonna Ciccone

By stepping outside the constraints of convention and questioning the validity of other people’s opinions, we unlock the freedom to construct a life that’s entirely our own.

Start your transformative journey and enjoy the beauty and complexity of your truly liberated and fully alive self.

Embrace this journey with open arms and a curious heart. As you do, you’ll find that the greatest gift you can ever uncover is the authentic joy of being you, free from conformity.

She’s Unbound