The Ever-Evolving Meaning of “Success” and My Formula for Attaining It
Over the past year, I’ve thought a lot about what it means to be successful. Success to me used to be one dimensional. As a gymnast, it meant winning gold medals and as a student, it meant earning straight A’s. Both had very clear linear paths towards a larger ultimate goal and the equation was pretty easy. Effectively, it was broken down into:
Work harder→ Get better → Win.
Somehow, with an intense, unbroken, and almost naive focus, I was able to succeed at both of my larger goals by the time I was 18, and as I entered college, eyes open to the infinite new paths I could take to success, the line became increasingly twisted. Suddenly, success did not appear in a neatly packaged challenge ready for me to tackle in a singular swoop. Instead, it became an uphill battle to figure out what to even pursue, pulled in a million directions by distractions at every step, all the while vainly attempting to appear successful in a trifecta of academics, extracurriculars, and social savviness. The most I could hope for was the absence of (comparative) abject failure, and possibly graduating with a respectable job.
“Suddenly, success did not appear in a neatly packaged challenge ready for me to tackle in a singular swoop. Instead, it became an uphill battle to figure out what to even pursue.”
As I entered corporate America, success took on yet another form. For the first time, my external understanding of success and my internal grasp of it were completely at odds. Although I was accomplishing my tasks daily, I realized for the first time that success on someone else’s terms did not necessarily constitute success for me. Unable to reconcile the two, I left in search of another path. I decided I would become an entrepreneur, a label that was understandable, yet open-ended enough for me to mold into any form I pleased.
“For the first time, my external understanding of success and my internal grasp of it were completely at odds.”
For many people, the image of a successful entrepreneur brings with it a glamorous sheen of adventure, freedom, office nap pods, and ping pong tables; however what I quickly realized was that every entrepreneur has vastly different notions of what success means to them. For some, it means the ability to dictate their own schedule, for others it means raising massive funding rounds, for others it simply means creating a sustainable lifestyle business they can call their own. In contrast to the strictly measured success in a corporate environment, success became, in effect, whatever I wanted it to be, measured in whatever metrics I deemed important to me and my business. This freedom was both a blessing and a curse, and as a founder, my path constantly spiraled back and forth, mired in self-doubt, insecurity, forced positivity, and sleepless nights.
“Success became, in effect, whatever I wanted it to be, measured in whatever metrics I deemed important to me and my business.”
Many people have asked me if I ever regret leaving my stable finance job, at times with an insinuation that perhaps I left too quickly, too brashly. As I reflect on what I’ve navigated over the course of the past year — launching my first company, building up a team, finding product market fit, hiring and firing my first employee, pitching investors, networking to no end, forcing myself into intensely uncomfortable situations, selling when I didn’t want to sell, and reaching out for conversations (so many conversations) — my answer to the above is always a resounding “No.” I have undoubtedly met more dynamic, passionate, interesting people this year than I have in years past and the formula for success I have found, is really what you make of it — the values, people, and lessons you construct your life upon. Here are the most important beliefs I have adopted this year that will continue to propel me forward:
1. Success is liking what you do, who you are when you do it, and how you feel when you do it.
It is extremely hard to succeed in something that you don’t care about. Figure out what you care about or even what you are slightly curious about and let that be your guide.
2. Expect less, do more.
This is seemingly at odds with the “dream big” mantra, but I think both can exist together. To “dream big” is to set a purposely high bar for yourself, something that will push you forward during even the lowest times. However, formulating that dream is only the first step, and the downfall often comes when you expect too much from yourself, from other people, and from situations out of your control. I always advocate for doing whatever it takes to succeed, but make sure you temper your expectations along the way. That being said…
3. Push your limits and do whatever it takes.
If you don’t do it, nobody will. For our Fooze beta tests, I rode around downtown New York on a bike with a backpack full of burgers and dumplings and personally delivered food to customers until 3am. I had never ridden a bike in NYC before that day. Speaking of, I didn’t even have a bike until two days before the test. I met a woman at a networking event who was excited to show me her food-filled Instagram. As she scrolled through her food pictures, I noticed a picture of a bike. I knew her for only twenty minutes, and persuaded her to let me borrow it for the weekend. (We are still friends and she got her bike back.) I pretended to be an NYU Polytechnic student and snuck into their career fair so I could attempt to poach the developers who were standing in line when we were searching for a CTO. I forced myself to apply to every single pitch opportunity even though I have always despised public speaking. I’ve pitched so many times in the past year, that I actually enjoy it now. Funny how that happens. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Just do it and you will grow.
4. Prioritize and don’t let little things get to you.
What are your big goals for today? For this week? For this month? For this year? For your life? The visions you set for yourself will have a trickle down effect and allow you to prioritize your days accordingly. Having this sort of focus is often the difference between having or not having a productive day/month/year. As distractions come up, ask yourself if this is in line with your vision, if it’s not, let it go and don’t dwell. If you make a mistake, learn, and move on. This too shall pass.
5. Know what you bring to the table.
I am often my own harshest critic, and on the lowest days, I have managed to talk myself into a deep hole of negativity… until I catch myself. I counteract negative internal dialogue by reinforcing the traits that have helped me succeed thus far. What brings me joy? What do people always compliment me on? What am I good at? Actually taking the time to write these things out and distilling it into a short pitch can bring you confidence even when you are sitting at a table where you feel far underqualified. I don’t necessarily believe in faking it till you make it, but I do believe in knowing and showing your strengths.
6. You are the reflection of the people you surround yourself with.
If there was any day to let go of toxic people in your life, it was yesterday. Do it now and don’t look back. The people you surround yourself with should be bringing you up not holding you back. I used to have “friends” who, with tight, fake smiles, half-heartedly congratulated me when I succeeded. As a result, I learned that success was a zero sum game, and I believed friendship was built upon competition. That belief was shattered when I finally let those people go and discovered friends who showed me empathy, kindness, and genuine delight when I did well. The outer conditions of your life will always affect your inner beliefs, make sure you are proud of those beliefs.
7. Establish your personal boundaries and let go of the people who do not respect them.
Oftentimes we find ourselves making exceptions for people or situations that we know will make us uneasy, frustrated, or stressed simply because saying ‘no’ is uncomfortable. It’s almost as if we know it is bad for us, but we allow it anyway. The reason so many of us do this is because we haven’t taken time to identify our personal boundaries. For me, every decision this past year seemed to have no right or wrong answer, which put me in a vulnerable position to accept relationships and friendships that I intuitively knew were bad, and yet I allowed in anyway. Only afterwards when I sat down and identified the behaviors I would and would not accept, did it become much easier to sort through the relationships that I would nurture and the ones I would leave behind.
8. Have integrity.
It goes without saying, but too many people do not actually show or practice this. Maybe it’s because we’re young, maybe it’s because we think our actions don’t have long term effects, maybe it’s because we are an increasingly self-absorbed, social-media driven society, whatever it is, it’s still no excuse. Do what you say you are going to do, don’t leave people hanging, be respectful, apologize if you did something wrong.
9. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
This goes back to the idea that there is not a singular definition of success. People will project their best selves not their worst selves in public, and you’ll never really know what others are struggling with underneath their shiny image. Refrain from judging and avoid comparing. Jealousy is the most insidious emotion and does nothing but harm yourself and others.
10. Be direct and communicate clearly.
Never has this been so apparent until I began running a small team. Everything I did, everything I said, and even how I said things, affected the team. Most of the time, there’s really no point in dancing around an uncomfortable subject. Unlike the corporate world, there is simply no room for simmering grudges. Seemingly small annoyances only get worse, and if not addressed head on, become major problems over time. As much as possible, I have taken this attitude in addressing issues in my personal life as well.
11. Nurture your close friendships and value them above all else.
I honestly could not have gotten through this uncertain maze of a year if I did not have my closest friends who took all my obsessive work habits, emotional turbulences, and philosophical tirades in stride. Throughout it all, I made sure I was very open about my availability (or lack thereof), did my best to express my appreciation, shared whatever lessons I was learning along the way, and in turn, made sure to always be there when they needed something.
12. Be BOLD.
There will always be critics, naysayers, doubters, and haters. Pay them no mind. What does success look and feel like to you? Formulate your vision, stick to your values, own your strengths, surround yourself with good people, and charge forward with all the energy and tenacity required to turn your dreams into reality. The rest is simply noise.
Did any of the above beliefs resonate with you? What were your most important lessons from 2015? What does success mean to you? I’d love to hear from you! Ping me at lisa@sheworx.co
