Paula, Therapist, New York City
By Jim Allen
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Paula is a therapist in New York City. This is her story.
What do you do and how has your work changed since the pandemic struck?
I am a therapist in private practice. March 11 was the last day I actually saw clients in the office. I notified all my clients on that evening that going forward I will be doing telehealth sessions. Almost miraculously, every single one of my clients were on board. At that point the lockdown had not yet been issued. Since then, I’ve taken on a handful of new clients, some of them have been from the healthcare world.
What kinds of COVID-related anxieties are people dealing with?
For people who are sick or who know someone who’s sick, the primary anxiety is obviously, “How can I take care of myself? I hope I’m OK, I hope I don’t die.” Thank God, all the people I was counseling who had [the virus] have gotten better.
There’s also the fear of contracting the virus. Having this anxiety about, “Am I doing everything right? Is it OK to go to the store? How paranoid should I be about washing surfaces?” And in the same circle would be people who are afraid for their families, about elderly relatives and people with preexisting conditions.
Then there’s the idea of, “What’s gonna happen to our world, what’s gonna happen to my job?” And then, “How do I cope with being inside all day, how do I cope with working at home? How do I cope with loneliness and isolation, or conversely, how do I cope with being cooped up inside with these other people all day?”
On a more abstract level is, “How will this pandemic change the world? What are we gonna lose? How long are we gonna be on lockdown? How long is it gonna take before we get a vaccine?”
What are some basic ways to deal with those anxieties?
For the people who were ill and coping with that, the best thing is just to hold space for all the feelings that come with that — fear, anger, sadness, it’s all acceptable. There’s also no need to hold onto those feelings either; you can just let them flow through you and do whatever your doctor has prescribed for you with the hope and the vision that you are going to get better. Also, to keep in mind that, looking at the statistics, most people do recover from this.
One really important piece of advice that I give everybody is to limit your exposure to news that isn’t actually giving you any practical advice. Obsessing over the numbers is almost a surefire recipe to make yourself feel bad. Looking at things in your own center of control is the thing that’s going to make you feel better.
Whether you’re sick or healthy, the same thing applies, what can you do today to take care of yourself? What can you do today to check in on somebody else? Can you focus your attention on one task at a time? Journaling is a really powerful tool. There’s something about writing things down that can slow down those ruminating thoughts.
One of the best ways to bring people back into their center is to focus on the breath, lengthening exhalations. When you lengthen exhalations you engage your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms you down. I also encourage people, if they’re in their heads, to shift their attention out of their thoughts and into their bodies, focusing on gentle movements that you can do. For instance just inhaling [with] your arms up over your head and exhaling your arms down alongside your body.
We’ve all now experienced video chatting and Zoom calls, and it’s not perfect, but it really is a good opportunity to connect with people on a daily basis. Just contacting people, seeing people’s faces, is really important. If you’re going out for a walk, maintaining social distance doesn’t mean you can’t wave or smile with your eyes even if your mouth is behind a mask. If you’re living by yourself and you’re missing human touch, sometimes hugging yourself and rocking back and forth or side to side approximates the feeling of being hugged. That’s actually a very soothing and comforting position.
How has working with clients remotely affected your process?
For people who have social anxiety, being in a therapeutic relationship online can actually be easier. That little bit of distance feels safer to them. For clients I work with who have social anxiety it’s actually been kind of a blessing. We’ve actually been discussing, in the future when we’re all allowed to go back to our lives, do you want to continue doing some work online? I’m actually thinking about incorporating that more into my practice in the future.
What are you listening to?
In my normal life I actually listen to a lot of soothing, kind of yogic music at home, because I live in New York and it’s a stressful place to live. However, I’m not commuting now, and I’m listening to more upbeat, guitar-driven rock music because my life at this moment lacks a certain intensity because I’m home all the time.
I love discovering new music and it’s been especially important to maintain that, because that gives me such a sense of hope, that people are still creating. I really love the new Nadia Reid album, she’s from New Zealand. There’s a fantastic metal band from Spain called Rosy Finch. There’s a band out of Chicago called OHMME, and they just put out a new single that I’m really into. I’ve also really enjoyed the new Field Music album, and The Bye Bye Blackbirds.
