Crissaris, Doctor, Manhattan
By Nirmala Nataraj
Shift Change tells the stories of ordinary people on the frontlines during a transformational period in American life. The goal of this project is to raise funds for Supply Drop Brooklyn, a charitable organization that partners with local restaurants to deliver meals to healthcare workers at affected hospitals. Your help can make a critical difference. Please visit Supply Drop and learn how you can make a contribution. For more information about this project, check out our About page.
Crissaris is a family medicine doctor located in Harlem. This is her story.
What is your profession?
I’m a primary care physician/family medicine doctor.
When did you decide to enter this line of work?
I wanted to be a doctor since I was about eight years old. At every age along the way, I found deeper reasons for wanting to do this. In college, I saw more clearly the disparities that exist in race and class. I thought being a doctor would allow me to be a connector between the people in my family and community (I grew up in Washington Heights) and folks who have the power of money and influence. People tend to listen to someone with the letters MD in their name. I wanted to impact change, and my desire to become a doctor solidified when I did social work for a year in a community similar to the one I grew up in. I realized I’d be able to support people in their full health even more as a doctor.
How has your life changed since the coronavirus struck?
My feelings about being a part of the medical industrial complex have become more heightened since the start of this, so I’m more upset and angry. At the same time, I feel more purposeful. The reasons I became a doctor have become more tangible.
Another big change is that I can’t see my family. I can’t hug my grandma or most of the people I love — and I love hugs. They’re a big part of my being! But I don’t want to expose any of my family members to the virus, so at this point, I just see them by phone.
How has this changed your view of your profession or your larger community?
I don’t think it has changed my view of my profession. Every doctor is a COVID-19 doctor, no matter what you trained for. I think we always do what needs to be done. The virus is just shining light on what always has been, on a more global scale and with more eyes on it.
In terms of community, this has highlighted people in ugly ways and also in beautiful ways. People who work together continue to do so. The coronavirus has also highlighted people being joyful in terrible times, knowing how to act, taking powerful action steps, grieving, having all the feelings. The pandemic has emphasized the power of our collective action even more.
What is the most difficult and frustrating part of this for you?
More people are dying, becoming sick, and not getting what they need because those who have power over the systems at a larger scale aren’t aligned with those who are most affected and in need of the most help. The things that need to happen aren’t happening fast enough. There’s brilliance in everyone, and it’s not being accessed because people don’t have the platforms to share their gifts.
What type of emotional support unit is around you? Family? Friends?
My partner has been a huge support, bringing joy and comfort and physical presence. Friends from far and wide have also supported me. Every day I get a text message or two from people I haven’t heard from in a long time, just to say they are thinking of me. Brilliant people who post positive or inspiring things on social media are also supportive. Then there are my co-workers. We’re in this together, and it’s amazing to get through this by simply being able to laugh and dance with them at work.
What are your hopes for today and the future?
My hope is that all the loss and pain and grief this moment has caused isn’t for nothing, that it causes change so that people are able to access all of their needs in a way that they haven’t before. I want to see the thoughtfulness and consideration of our interdependence continue and not be something that dissolves.
What are you listening to?
Today, I was listening to Beautiful Chorus’ Hymns of Spirit. I’ve also been listening to Stevie Wonder. Sometimes I listen to this song by Diego Torres called “Color Esperanza” on repeat. And also the song “Calma,” by a Puerto Rican musician named Pedro Capó — it’s a fun dancing song.
