Learning to navigate an uncertain and inflammable world — Healing history in action #4
By Niels Koldewijn
In our previous blogs on healing history we wrote about navigating uncertain times and the importance of finding other ways to deal with our conflicts. The basis of our insights and perspectives on healing histories was based on this quote by Gary Reiss;
“We’re hesitant to enter into conflicts as we learned over life that fire can burn. Yet the fire of polarization and conflict in itself are not the problem, lack of facilitation is the problem.”
We are all learning
Since our third blog we took a little break in posting the next blog. In the light of the #blacklivematters protests and worldwide societal debate and action needed regarding racism, demanding justice, action and awareness towards equality. The need to heal history and transform this into action is more relevant than ever. As well it prompts us to be more careful and cautious than ever, to not repeat unaware patterns in well intended words and actions.
In the previous and following blogs we share our insights about working with heated conversation and conflict, from a perspective of our ongoing learning process. We are not looking to give an answer, but offer a space of building a new practice, together.
We felt this ‘disclaimer’ is relevant, as from our point of view these strong protests are not only demanding action, but also to educate ourselves. Educate to really deeply learn to see the other side and look form a different perspective. This is urgent now, yet also a never-ending practice. In sharing these insights we are part of our own learning process to navigate the not-knowing or learning to see the other side of the equation more deeply. In that sense we are grateful for the protest to provoke to see more deeply into what part we play in maintaining an unacceptable way that the roles are divided.
Insight #3 Seeing the situation as a field:
So if we want to work through points of tension we found four perspectives very useful. Here we share the third one. So insight #1 was to choose or to find a facilitator and insight #2 was to look at the situation as a process. This view of seeing a situation as a process is strongly linked to the idea that we are constantly creating and are being part of fields. Fields are created through energetic and real-life interactions between people in which we play different roles.
Do you recognize the roles of those who always speak and those who are silent? Those who impose the decision and the others who always give in? Those that are considering COVID nonsense and too big of a sacrifice to the economy and those that are in deep societal and personal fear?
There are fields with certain roles and dynamics on the world level (the oppressed voices standing up and shouting ‘it is enough!’ to the oppressing forces), on the level of our community and direct relationship and even different voices, perspectives and roles we hold in ourselves. In conflicts and interactions, we are frequently not sufficiently aware of the unconscious dynamics created in relations and groups, that have grown over time into engrained and stuck patterns.
Fluidity in roles
Some of those voices shared here above could be both inside you, in different situations. You are not always only one or the other. It’s generally more subtle and fluid than that. You can be the oppressed in one situation and oppress in another situation. Processwork proposes to work with this fluidity to get unstuck. It proposes to breathe, to step back from what’s happening in the consensus reality, to identify the different roles and perspectives. To take your position in a conflict, but also take enough distance to be able to see yourselves.
Seeing the different roles gives space to try to switch sides, just for you to feel and see what it is like to be on the other side of the equation. You can see different things, maybe even a third way. Arnold mindell created this 5 minute video that boils this role-switching in conflict resolution down to a 4-step process.
Stepping into the other side of the field
Although it looks simple and charming in the video presented, it’s very challenging work. Nevertheless very necessary. Switching roles in the current hot topics around race and privilege can for some be still very challenging. Sometimes it is not even possible yet.
Yet in order to work on healing history as proposed in Gary Reiss’ book, working with fluidity and seeing from the other perspective is very important and powerful. It is important to try. Especially to raise your awareness. Especially to self-educate. Especially for those that are not able to see due to their high rank and privilege.
In some of the work SH!FT does we work with finger puppets to express the different positions and play with seeing from the other side. This can work well in inner conflicts and in home conflicts. For the societal issues at this moment it would be too simple. Yet I was struck by a movie and videoclip that did do quite a good job in switching the roles and mirroring the perspectives. If you’re a white man now and want to understand better the other side, it’s worth to see how life is as a woman and as a black person.
Being in conflict, seeing the roles in the field and going through these 4 steps is a lifetime of learning. Yet bit by bit we’ll learn to see where we need to increase our awareness. This is essential, even more than ever. If we don’t do so, our patterns and roles stay stuck. This could lead to us believing that we use the right words and take the right action, but, unconsciously repeat dynamics that lead to similar results. Resulting in people with less rank or with minority voices still not really heard. And even our own inner minority voices will not be heard or sufficiently included.
Want to see how you can work on these skills and other elements of process work? Join Garry Reis and the SH!FT team on the online healing histories workshop on the 10th of July and 21st of August.
