when creating comes last
As a new Shift creator, I set out this past fall to complete a couple of the mini projects that had interested me. My ideas included street lamp poetry, flexing my writing muscle a bit to write a short booklet on human experiences (or smth like that), bookbinding, or lots of others. I started out intensely bright-eyed and eager to be constantly riding waves of my self-motivating passion to create. However, the reality it ended up being was bursts of creation born not out of a desire to create, but out of a desperation to both not be studying and to prove myself to people.
To keep things short, by the end of the school year, I had found myself completing none of the projects I had wanted, and I was disappointed in myself for prioritizing creative outlets dead last amid a year of organic chemistry, lab work and coursework. I was super excited about a project to write a book based on students’ real-life meet-cutes and bind it myself — I only ended up getting one response on my Google form, and so I stopped the project, discouraged.
Over the course of the year, I had pockets of time where I would just make whatever I felt like at the time. I played with stamp carving on different mediums and started to learn how to bind books.
Honestly, I actually did not like very much of what I had made over the year, but I think I learned a lot about the creative process in that. I was repeatedly stuck in the insecurity phase where I wasn’t creating for myself and my own enjoyment, but for others and what I felt was expected of me. I also was pretty sad that I didn’t have the time I wanted to execute.
I have learned that I create foremost for myself, even though I want others to enjoy it. Work through the doubt and focus on the process, not the final product. Now with a little more time this summer, I’m learning to fall back in love with the creative process and build my skill sets. Creating is supposed to be fun, and I’m getting back into enjoying creating and making :D.
Here’s a snapshot of what I had made this past school year:
