How do we get to hope? Brian Calo in conversation with Dontá McGilvery
Brian Calo (above) is a junior at ASU majoring in theatre and minoring in film. For an acting class assignment this spring, he wrote and performed a piece called “Needs in a Pandemic.”
In this interview, Dontá McGilvery, Herberger Institute Dean’s Fellow and coordinator for Culture and Access, talks with Brian about what inspired him to write the piece.
Dontá: Hi Brian, I am so excited to chat with you today about your poetry piece. Thank you for being willing to chat with me about it. Can you start by telling us what you would like to pursue once you graduate? That way the readers can get to know you a little.
Brian: What I want to pursue when I graduate may sound a little weird, because what I study is acting, but I also have a love for singing and music. So, I have come to realize that while I love to sing and while I love acting, I may do musical theatre in the future or anything along those lines. Or, just balancing being a musician and being an actor in the future.
Dontá: That is awesome. Listen, I wish I could sing but because I can’t, I am pretty sure I can’t get into those musical theatre doors. What about poetry? Do you write and perform poetry often?
Brian: I don’t write nowadays, I used to write a long time ago. It’s not necessarily poetry. I have been inspired by a lot of the music I listen to so whenever I am in the car, [for instance], I listen to music and I think of lyrics and I put notes in my phone before they disappear. So those are the moments [I write]. But in the future — in the fall semester actually, I am going to take songwriting classes at ASU so I can write my own material. What inspired that piece I performed was obviously the things that were happening — the attacks on the Asian community, the racism, the pandemic. I was inspired by Amanda Gorman. I saw her poetry piece from the election and I was blown away by how concise and beautiful it was, and that’s what inspired me to write something similar to it.
Dontá: That’s really amazing, Brian. So, to back up a moment, you consider your poetry to be lyrics, like songs, rather than poetry?
Brian: Yes, because I have a musical background and I play music. So, I guess I am drawn to the musicality of anything I read or listen to. Even with monologues, I try to find the rhythm and I am interested in the musical approach. I would not call my piece poetry, because it is more lyrical and there are no hidden meanings to my pieces.
Dontá: I definitely get that. You approach the piece barefaced and straightforward. You say this is what I observe and here are my experiences and from that you create a piece rhythmically.
Brian: Yes. This was an assignment for an acting class. The instructor told us to be performative, be dramatic. For me, it was like ‘I could do that. But I don’t need to.’ Because it was true facts and pure truth as to what is going on around me. I felt like I needed to say what was on my mind without trying to draw attention, and my professor loved it and started sharing it. I was really excited about that. My goal was never to attract an audience, it was to just say what was on my mind in hopes that some people would be self-aware about what’s going on with us.
Dontá: Well, you made an excellent decision to present the piece the way you did, Brian. I was in awe of how powerful the piece is because the words alone, situated in the reality of what is going on in the nation as far as the hate crimes against the Asian American and Pacific Islanders community, really conveys the message in an incredible way. Where does that come from, the ability to think outside the box and make things your own? I ask because, as you know, many students feel they have to move according to every word of instructions the professor lays out, and many students do not think and act beyond those set of instructions.
Brian: Good question. I think you have to start somewhere. I used to go by exactly what the professor says, but as you gain more experience and you begin to think more critically about the instructions, the world, and life in general, you begin to develop your own voice. I think that that is a necessary tool to have when you are in the arts. I am still trying to do that myself but I think that’s important, because in the arts you are always having to explain what you do. Again, this goes back to experimenting because I am still trying to find my voice. I feel like finding your voice is a constant process of trying and failing and trying and failing until you get it.
Dontá: What you are saying reminds me of the Samuel Beckett quote that says, “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” Meaning, the process is an ongoing one but it’s a progressive one nevertheless. Going back to the “lyrical “piece, how did you go about building it? Did you get a line first and then build from there?
Brian: The last line catalyzed everything before it, because the last line says, “I am a human being.” That line summarizes the whole piece. Not to get political, but [with] Trump’s remarks about naming [COVID 19] the “Chinese virus,” [it] was obvious that there was a lot of misunderstanding and a lot of blaming, and that’s a lot of weight for the Asian community to carry, especially in the midst of being in a pandemic, because they too struggle with the virus. Especially in tandem with the racist remarks towards them. So, I wanted to point out and shed light on one of the main causes that inspired many of these attacks. I wanted to shift our understanding about where this virus and these attacks came from. I felt that was important because in class, it felt like no one really knew what was going on. Based on responses from students in our class to my piece, many did not know what was [and is] going on with the violence against the Asian community, so I want people to see it and help make change.
Dontá: That is incredibly important, Brian. Sadly, so many people fail to see what is going on in the lives of others around them; their gaze is too narrow. So, sometimes we feel obligated, as people of color, to say, “widen your gaze and look around you, people are hurting and dying.” Also, sometimes we, as students of color, go to class carrying so much weight because there is so much that threatens our safety or the safety of those we love, but many times no one in class seems to see it let alone understand it.
Brian: Exactly. Last year, when it came to the Black Lives Matter movement, I was trying to learn all I could and get involved as much as I could and fight for that community. But when the attacks happened to the people in my community, I was like “Whoa.” It became too real. Like it’s one thing to come as an outsider and another being a part of the community facing the struggle. I guess that’s one of the things, generally speaking, that Asian communities struggle talking about: How do [members of the Asian community] talk about their struggles? Sometimes they say that maybe it is a cultural thing that Asian people don’t like talking about these hard topics. But then, I think it’s important to know that maybe it’s not the right culture that we are in, to talk about it, you know? Considering the racism and hate in the U.S., maybe it feels like it is still a hard subject to talk about because of that. Maybe, in general, talking about this with your family in Asia, or where you are originally from, would be easier, because then they are outside of the American context, which has a history of racism and hate that still persists today.
Dontá: That’s very insightful, Brian. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Regarding this “lyrical” piece, would you say it is a hopeful piece? If so, how?
Brian: I wouldn’t say so. My goal was to bring attention to what is going on. At the top of the piece I talk about what it feels like waking up and feeling like all of the days have blended together. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then I wanted to express what that feeling is like when I see all the news about the attacks. Like all the days are meshed into one.
Dontá: What do you want people to take away from this piece?
Brian: I want non-Asian people to feel the way that I was feeling by simply talking about my day. I want them to think about how they would feel seeing all the racist attacks and feeling like all the days are blended together so that they may feel the gravity of these attacks.
I want them to see that it’s not just the pandemic weighing on people, it is also racism.
Dontá: To those who want to rush or fast-forward to the end of your piece and rush to the “light” or “hope” at the end of your piece but they can’t find it, because it doesn’t look the way that they expect it to. What do you say to them?
Brian: I say that’s selfish in a way. You want the desired outcome without working for it. To get to where we want to be we have to sort our way through the bad news and work our way into the good news. The question to ask is how do we get to hope, to the light at the end of the tunnel? Oftentimes we want immediate gratification but what are we doing to get to the good news? I feel like for those who are seeking hope, it is important to reflect on the not so hopeful moments first so that we can arrive at where we want to get to.
Dontá: That’s such a profound and insightful response. A part of rushing past the bad news is the erasure of the very steps necessary to get to a sustainable solution: listening and learning from the people who have experienced the oppression
Brian: Yes. And to those non-BIPOC people saying they “understand,” I will also say I think it is important to know that non-BIPOC, non-Asian communities will never know how it feels. They can’t know when you take into consideration the years and centuries of harm done to people. To say “I understand” feels almost ingenuine in a way. It is one thing to know what’s going on and another thing to experience it.
Dontá: Yes. You can’t take a moment of advocacy as an ally and claim to know it all; history is also embodied. Any final comments that you feel are important that I haven’t asked?
Brian: I still see news that says Asian groups are being attacked. We know that soon enough the number of attacks will decrease. But even then, we have to see that even though there are less attacks there is still discrimination toward POC. We have to be consistent about what’s going on so that the future can be better than where we are today.
Dontá: I do have another question, actually. Is it important for all marginalized groups to come together, in coalition, to speak against the attacks of each other?
Brian: Yes. I noticed people of color coming together for BLM, and when Asian hate happened, I still see that support. I think that’s important for minority groups to come together, because even though the attacks are somewhat different for each group, we have to come together and help each other, especially in times when we need each other. The more consistently we do that, the more we can see that we are better at fighting together than with our own community alone.
Dontá: Brian, it has been a tremendous pleasure talking with you. I have been enlightened a great deal.
Brian: Thank you and thanks for having me.
