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“Nobody Likes Me” (not Banksy)

Self Empowerment Growth Hacking

iA Inc.
iA Inc.
Aug 20, 2014 · 3 min read

Be proud. Especially if you haven’t achieved anything. If you were only proud of what you have achieved, no one would respect you. Do your best to seem more important than you are. Once you seem more important, you are more important. You are what you seem.

Take credit for everything that happened within a 1,000 km circle. You’re Swiss? Well, then you’ve won Wimbledon. Several times. You’re a white male? 99% of world is yours. You’re on the Internet? Boom! Hello, Master of the Universe.

Impostor’s Syndrome is a great motivator. It is an even greater self excuse if you are an impostor. Then you can tell yourself that you have impostor syndrome, pour yourself a drink and raise a toast to your mirror.

Some of the greatest people suffer from impostor syndrome.
The fear of being an impostor doesn’t let you sleep at night.
Hey, you must be great.

Crown your pride with false modesty. If you’re young, false modesty looks like genius. A thick pomade. Shout loudly how HUMBLED you are being associated with [FAMOUS THING PERSON COMPANY OR EVENT]. Greatness by association has never been so easy and so efficient. You worked at Pixar? You must have run the thing. (Before it went downhill; of course it went downhill after you left). You worked as an intern among the 22,000 designers in the Multi Billion Dollar Silicon Valley Monster Explosion Company? Make it look like it all came from your beautiful mind, from the logo to the product to the ad campaign. Don’t be explicit, imply. Just make it seem like that. Blow everything out of proportion. Before you know it people will follow you, admire you, invite you to speak.

Modesty looks nice on people that have achieved something. It’s a bit boring though. And you don’t want to be boring. Don’t undersell yourself. The best price is the highest price. If you haven’t reached much, full-throttled flamboyant pride is what you want to convey. Play your best Donald Trump. Hardcore pride demands strong doses of unpredictable arrogance. Men look sexier after they’ve poured a bottle of Old Spice over their pomaded heads. Then backcomb it all with false modesty spray to add more greatness by association. Angry arrogance hair sprayed with false modesty is your best bet if you haven’t achieved much. It’s hard to pull off at first, but you’ll get into it after a while.

Note: If someone hurts your pride, fight right back. Go up against anonymous cowards with maximum retaliation. Fight haters with brutality. Make sure that everything they say is crushed and ridiculed by as many people as possible. To make sure no one comes after you, pick some easy fights once in a while where you make mashed potatoes of your adversaries. If you already enjoy some Internet Salami prominence, retweet every insult. That’ll show them! It will make you look super cool and strong, and your followers will pile on too. Imagine Bono seeing someone in the audience showing him the finger. What would be cooler than if he stopped singing to point the cameras at the asshole, so his fans can take care of the middle finger jackass show stopper? It’s a great technique used by the best and proudest in our industry.

So, hey, just be proud. It works. If you still have some reservations, and being a massive prick is not your “cup of tea,” you might want to adapt a warning moral tone instead. Like a Victorian dad, tut-tutting everybody, threatening to _retract his last spark of love, unless… That will still allow you to act like you know everything, it will make you seem even more superior, almost Godly. Or you can continue to be a victim.

Ship of Fools

“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite…

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