Diarrhea in the Streets
The bathroom scene is vast in the city, and I’m center stage of the movement. The bowel movement.
People are taking more dumps, in more places than any other time in history. With this kind of output you’re going to get some slip-ups, and things can get messy. That’s where I come in.
I’m not new to the scene, but poop has been in my blood since I was a kid. My brother had a habit of missing the toilet and I usually took the wrath of it. Diarrhea on the wall, chunks of semi-digested egg on the back of the toilet seat. As a boy I vowed that I’d never be a victim again when I got the chance.
In 1994 I finished my studies at the Broad Street Detective Academy and since then I’ve been working the toughest cases the city has to offer.
Am I making a difference? It’s tough to say. I only have the manpower to handle one case at a time.
Sprayed feces on the toilet on 42nd Street, a runny smear on the wall in Central Park, questionable brown chunk by the sink on upper Broad. You never know what kind of scene you’ll walk into.
But I do know one thing. I vow until the day I die to seek out and dishonor those who poop on the toilet seat.
It’s not an easy life, but it’s my calling. It’s like I don’t have a choice. God has a plan for me, and it’s innate.
But it’s taking a toll on my personal life. I haven’t see my wife in days. I can see the distance between us growing every day. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even for me.
But it’s a game. And one that I was put on this earth to play. The poop game. And I’m in it deep for the long haul.
Dave Alexander is Chief Investigator and Lead Detective at www.ShitterSleuth.com.
