The Power of Question Thinking and Positive Mental Health
An open view on an invisible subject
Meet Cherry…
Allow me to introduce you to Cherry. Cherry is truly a force to be reckoned with; ever the enthusiast. She has a zest for life, a passion for people and a relentless drive to make everything better, for herself and for others. She will achieve whatever she wants to, by hook or by crook, and has an unfaltering believe that “she can”. Part of her strength is that she feels no need to seek the validation from the world around her, and as long as she can go to sleep knowing she’s done the best she can, she’s happy. She outwardly rebuffs any notion that something cannot be done, and will challenge to the hilt to prove otherwise. She never settles for second best, and continuously has high expectations. She’s strong, courageous, confident, and the only validation she seeks, is from herself.
The power of self-belief Cherry has, means her optimism, coupled with resilience can and does often lead to great things. Yet being with Cherry, at times, is exhausting…
Cherry is my inner critic, the internal monologue that guides my perception of the world around me. The Chimp Paradox, written by Steve Peters, expands on the idea that your inner voice (your chimp) can become your best friend of worst enemy, a powerful mind management tool that allows you to take control of your thoughts and emotions, and actively change the way you make decisions (“Cherry the Chip”, not that creative, but it stuck).
The pressure we put on ourselves
This week I struggled with ideas. Each time I sat down in an attempt to produce my next Sh*tty First Draft, I struggled. I began to notice my own internal monologue; “What shall I write about?”, “What subject will be blog worthy?”, “Will it be good enough?”.
As someone with a relatively my high inner critic, I am acutely aware of that underlying thought process. I thought about how this often silently creeps into my life, more than I’d like to admit. After many conversation this week, with acquaintances, friends and family, I realised that, undoubtedly, this this is something we all, at some point, struggle with, male and female, no matter age, experience, or circumstances. Often when you dig deeper, we all have that quiet voice in our head questioning and judging every decision we take. Left unnoticed, that inner voice will subtly hold you back.
The advice you often hear is to take no notice, ignore that voice and press on — yet I know many of you will agree, the voice is often hard to silence.
Shutting the door on the inner voice, will often lead to a continuous tete-a-tete. The inner critique may become less prominent, but will often still be present. Could it be to deal with your inner critic, the trick is not to silence her, but to proactively engage?
Is it possible to objectively reflect, challenge your own self-limiting beliefs and question your own thinking in the moment? Perhaps taking an objective view, can help you decipher whether the feeling is justified?
Befriending your inner critic
In Marilee Adams book; Change your Questions, Change your Life, she talks about the system of “Question thinking” in brief, the idea that by intentionally shifting our internal questions, puts us in charge of out thoughts. If we can shift our thinking, we in turn become more open to an alternative perspective, new possibilities, and positive actions. In essence, skilfully questioning our own thinking, can shift our ideas, and transform our actions.
Now, 3.5 months ago, I posted my blog, “The Importance of Taking Time Out”. Every now and again I wonder whether I’m doing enough. I feel pressure to ensure the time I have created is valuable, whatever valuable is. I realised that my inner critic (Cherry) was there, interrupting my space, “What have you done with this time?”, “Could you be doing more, 14 weeks is a long time!” and so on.
This time, rather than silencing her, I chose to examine my thoughts — let me engage, question her, and then take a balanced view.
Almost four months ago, in my local pub in Peckham Rye, I scribbled a mind map, which instantly, visually made it clear to me, what was important to me at that point in time; travel, family, creativity, wellness, learning and meaningful work.
In this time, I can objectively say:
- I have travelled to 5 cities across threes different continents
- As it does, illness has once again crept into my immediate family, and I’ve had time to spend time with those who matter the most
- My creativity is a work in progress. This very project has allowed me to overcome publisher’s block and write freely — permission to be sh*tty is a great thing
- I’ve had time to read — we picked Jane Eyre — a classic, albeit I am the laziest one in book club
- Wellness — acupuncture, hot yoga, long walks (ok one long walk)
- I’m on my 3rd guitar lesson — fulfilling my want to learn something new
- I’m working on a joint venture, creating my own work with a great partner who challenges me (watch this space!)
In the spirit of honesty, sure, there are many things which I have failed at. Mindfulness is still a tick box on my to-do list, weekly swimming despite having free access to the local pool is still a vision, and the big idea of writing my own book, has amounted to nothing but jumbled thoughts on my phone.
Skilful questioning & self reflection
So in answer to Cherry’s question of could I be doing more, perhaps yes, but without questioning my own thought process, a whole host of things I’ve started would be for nothing. This is not an attempt to quantity what I’ve been busy doing, but to simply highlight how so much would have gone unnoticed without question thinking and thoughtful reflection.
The moral of the story is whether the pressure we feel come from peers, society, or your Instagram feed,
often the harshest critic we face is within ourselves.
Work with your self to identify the destructive thoughts and know it is possible to manage the the underlying commentary. Acknowledge the voice, question your thinking and take stock.
Shifting your questions is a powerful tool, it just takes practice.
