4 Sneaky Strategies for Glitter-Based Revenge
Do you need to get back at someone for some nonsense? Glitter is all over today’s most exciting trends (they couldn’t get it off), making it the ideal vessel for acts of karmic mayhem served with a side of plausible deniability. Since actual glitter bombing can be categorized as assault and battery, here’s how you can use this spring’s viral glitter glam to Trojan Horse several years of misery into the lives of your enemies.
Ruin your rival’s car with your glitter beard
Everyone loves a parade, especially that dick Brian who sat on your copy of In the Aeroplane Over the Sea back in 2014 and then was like “aw man it’s all good” even though it definitely wasn’t. Let’s see how all good he will feel now that you’ve convinced him to carpool everyone to Pride, where he will learn that revenge is a dish best served in a billion little pieces.
Destroy your frenemy’s nice towels with your glitter face
Ever since her parents gave her the down payment for the condo, Brenda goes around talking about “manifesting” and how much she admires your free spirit. Let’s see how powerful all that positive thinking really is after you’ve rolled up to the housewarming with a full face of glitter highlights that you decide to wash off after your second Prosecco. Keep your friends close, Brenda, but keep your Egyptian cotton closer.
Fuck up your nemesis’s campsite with your glitter butt
It might require a significant amount of discomfort and many years of finding sparkles in your crack, but getting back at Lisa for bringing that couchsurfing Bernie bro to the playa will be 100% worth it. “Hey, Lisa, my Rainbow Brite ass and I need to go grab my water bottle out of your tent. I’m thirsty.” That’s right, Lisa, I am thirsty — for justice.
Give your foe’s commode a permanent glow up with your glitter poop
Unicorn poop pills, which you absolutely should not take, are the ultimate in glitter-based Trojan Horse revenge schemes. Not only will you get even-steven with Tony for that time he dropped a cataclysmic deuce in your only bathroom on Superbowl Sunday, but he’ll be confused for months by the fairy dust all over the toilet brush after you deliver your shimmering payload of vengeance.
Glittery Retribution
If glitter has taught us anything, it’s don’t get mad, get even. These four viral glitter trends provide the perfect cover for acts of retaliation that require an air-tight element of reasonable doubt.
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