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Tomorrow’s Headlines Today
Elon is from Mars; Trump is from Jupiter (The Gas Giant)
Celebrate Earth Day by Sending These Two Home
2 min readApr 5, 2025
Countdown to Earth Day:
April 5: Millions of remorseful Republicans join Democrats in global “Hands Off” protests. There are no counter-protests.
April 6: Musk spends a billion dollars rebranding Tesla “Tesler” after
Trump’s White House lawn “it’s all computer” sales event.
April 7: Trump golfs.
April 8: Tesler fires Musk as CEO.
April 9: Man wakes from five year coma to find out Trump is President. Again.
April 10: Fox News accuses independent podcaster of oranging Trump’s face.
April 11: Fox ‘fairly unbalanced news’ disappears from airwaves.
April 12: Doge fires Secret Service.
April 13: Trump, with his putter stuck up his ass, stumbles into water hazard at his Jupiter…
