“Life flourished in the South Pacific for thousands of years. Coral reefs bloomed, then died back; tsunamis rippled across its vast expanses. Islanders fished and thrived until one day a bomb was dropped. An unspeakable horror emerged from the depths to terrorize coastal towns. They called him/her/they ‘Godzilla’, Japanese for ‘Dragon’”.
“It didn’t happen like that,” snapped Bogdan from his recliner by the window. He was listening to a pimply volunteer read from Mythical Dragons after supper.
The volunteer looked up and said:
“Huh?”
“There was once a civilization called the Snoglish”, Bogdan began.
“Their growth was stunted because they had lost interest in activities like cleaning up their backyards and making babies. Their only excitement was waiting for packaged deliveries. Eventually, their limbs shrank to little buds while the delivery guy grew more (limbs) and became a sadist. He would drive past homes repetitively in his smiley van without delivering anything, then skip up to the front door juggling packages with his flurry of appendages. He enjoyed torturing the slug-like basement dweller with the foaming rottweiler.”
“This sounds familiar,” said the volunteer.
Bogdan continued:
“The guy who’d started it all was His Supreme Snogness.
One night a meteorite slammed into his command center, engulfing it in flames. Without the delivery guys, everything collapsed leaving nobody but Snogness bleating in his bunker.”
“And then?”
Bogdan shifted in his seat.
“Then Snogness slunk into the ocean, grew gills, and fed off bubbly-mailer particles until he mushroomed into a freak taller than Jeff Bezos’ randy rocket. He swam to distant lands searching for like-minded mutants but found only delivery vans to chew on…”
“Jeff who?” interjected the volunteer, rubbing himself against a book corner to satisfy an itch.
“Never mind” sighed Bogdan, and returned to staring out the window.
(A coincidental timing with Robert’s piece but in anticipation of the upcoming 2024 film!)
