Short and weird prompt

Time Is Messing Up With My Investment Portfolio

I’m dollar cost deaveraging

Author, looking at his portfolio (by Tim Gouw)

I wake up with a sense of delight. My portfolio reached an all-time high last week. I took some risks, the kind that are not investment advice, and they paid off. Yesterday, March 11, I placed a big intraday bet on Grindr — the dating app — and made bank.

I also took an overnight position on Tesla because I knew the President wouldn’t let his best man down.

I’m still in bed when I check my phone and like what I see. I’ll sell in a few hours, right after the opening. A nice 12% return. Income doesn’t get more passive than that.

I fix myself some coffee and hashbrowns to celebrate and open Twitter. The news is strangely similar to yesterday. Slow night, I guess. Everybody’s on repeat.

I open my brokerage account for the routine pre-market check but TSLA stock is back at yesterday’s levels. Worse, I can’t find my overnight position anymore. Something’s wrong with the date. It says March 10.

Must be a glitch.

I check again after my cold plunge. It says March 9 now. My net worth lost 10%. I’m scared.

The helpdesk is still closed.