Useful Machines — -
Salvation by Kitsch, Allegedly
When the Bubble Machines arrived, they landed with graceful thuds sending shock waves bouncing through the spiritually gutted cities. In their bubble chambers, they collected the pixilated and programmed lying in concrete dust amongst the twisted metal. They labeled each one as a specimen of what happens when Systems Analytics+= is allowed to decide human behavior. Most anomalies aside from enlarged occipital bones, and translucent skin, were neurological.
The Bubblers soon devised a way of evaluating them.
Test subjects would have a Lava Lamp placed before them as a diagnostic primer. This would trigger twitching and hiding reflexes. Then a bubble would be blown at them causing spasmodic discomfort in the majority. This test was essential to disorient them before presenting a questionnaire called the Systems Deconstruction Diagnostic Questionnaire (SDDQ). The Bubblers were searching for that one trigger question that would make the whole system collapse to rebuild itself.
The experimental subject’s answers spoke reams about their degree of automation and deficiency in healthy kitsch:–
S.D.D. Questionnaire & Sample Answers
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What is reality?
Executive Information Systems.
Who are you?
A Transactional Processing System.
What is a Hallmark card?
N/A
What is love?
A Transactional Processing System.
What are chocolates & roses?
Supply Chain Resource.
What are concepts?
Knowledge Management Systems.
Are you a concept?
I walked my canine this morning. I cleaned my feline’s litter box.
Are you sure? How do you know that?
I gagged.
How do you know you and your furbabies are not E.I.S. concepts?
We’re Decision Making Systems at best.
What are humans?
Collaborative Systems.
Can Collaborative Systems Decide?
— —-
There is a rainbow in the sky outside your window. Can you locate its pot of gold?
_p0p!_
—.
What is love again?
Bubbles?
Sadly, even Bubble Machines have agendas.
