Regret in the Void

Face to face with the abyss, every moment becomes an epiphany.

All that you sacrificed, everything you ignored, you’re thinking… if you could do it all again, you would do it different.

Classic.

You try to reason, empathize with your former self to understand why you made the decisions you did. Find the clarity and confidence that you once felt. If you went back, would you make the same decision again, it’s what you wanted after all.

What was I thinking.

Your heart is in your throat as you try to think back to the moments that stand out, and the ones that blur together. Ones that you can still feel and others you can barely recall. Its almost painful the truth that you now realize. The steps you took in stride, the ones that got you where you are right now, fade into the surrounding dark. The steps you took for granted, the ones that made you who you are, grip you as if they too are trapped inside this suit.

How did this happen.

It’s all a blur, dwarfed by the regrets running rampant through your mind. Somehow you made it out alive. A blessing. A curse. You settle on the latter. This never happens, never should have happened.

How does that help me now.

You attempt to find the beauty of your current situation. It did take bravery, it will have an impact, they will be proud.

At what cost.

You knew the risks and still proceeded without a second thought. Even after they pleaded for you to stay… send someone else, they begged. How you reacted to their protests, unable to see the true reason behind their resistance.

What was it that blinded you.

You would like to think it was the passion, the curiosity and drive to discover. There is no denying, fame played a larger role than you care to admit. To be another first and join the ranks of those who inspired you.

Consumed you.

It dawns on you for the first time, all those who tried and failed before you. The ones whose name no one remembers, you wonder if they had regrets, if they would have done it differently.

Major Tom to ground control…

You’re not stepping anywhere. Each breath is getting more difficult and your legs are getting cold. The fan in your helmet is quietly humming, yet the fog on the inside of your visor remains.

If only I could see something… a Star, a cloud, their smile.

Moving faster than a speeding bullet yet you feel incredibly still, gently floating through this cosmic ocean.

You proclaim aloud as if ground control is still listening, a warning to all those that are destined to follow…

Not even the void of space can shelter you from your regrets.