The Real Plot Against America Again
What will we do fellow patriots? They are trying to steal the election. Already the president has filed over thirty (and counting!) lawsuits before state and federal judges attempting to throw away ballots and lost — every — single — case. Every one! It’s as though the plot against us winds into the very fabric of reality! Why is the only person trying to throw out the legal votes the president!? Why is he the only one who gets it? Look at the voting machines! Most of them washed up on shore after being pushed to sea by SOCIALIST Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez as his last act of being alive in 2013 only to end up HERE and full of software programmed to only change votes against the president but let all the other patriotic senators keep their jobs. They are trying to make him look like a real loser! And have you heard what the president’s lawyers have endured exposing this fraud? They’ve had to go before actual judges — judges, mind you, who don’t understand how television ratings and pageviews are the new truth — with their lawyer licenses on the line and claim there was voter fraud. And do you know what happened? The lawyers didn’t do that. That’s right! When the lawyers got to court and the patriotic news stopped caring because legalese makes boring chyrons the president’s lawyers whispered to the judges, some of which the president himself appointed: No, there’s no problem and we’re not sure why we’re here either. Even prestigious firms with an opportunity to defend America from its own voters have quietly dropped out! Look it up! It’s disgusting! The truth is that we have questions and we will ask questions until the question becomes the evidence. This is that big! A president’s lawyer was so nervous about asking these questions that his face melted off. This happened! His head literally became liquid! And another lawyer who once called the president a desert of a human and all his followers moral windsock rubes — talking on television has shown her the light, don’t worry — she told the reporters to STOP ASKING FOR EV-I-DENCE. Doesn’t the question say it all? Isn’t the lack of evidence the most damning part of this whole situation? Where is it? Really! This plot is so vast and terrible that not a single reality-participating blood-using human has been charged with being a part of it! It’s going to come out! Just wait! The kraken will rise and be a scary metaphor! And in the meantime we should donate every penny we earn this week not to our churches but to OUR PRESIDENT. HELP, PATRIOT, HELP! They are trying to take away our country and the only way to stop them is to give away our money. CALL NOW. Otherwise the president will have to pay his incalculable debts with his own money he doesn’t have! And the media and the deep state and the lawn care specialists and HOLLYWOOD WILL WIN. They will win this whole rigged thing! Patriot! Think of the alternative! What? That one guy’s lying?
