Chapter 16 — The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back (part 1)
So much has happened in such a short period of time that if a few days passed without commotion, I would start to get anxious. I was slowly but surly becoming more and more myself instead of who she wanted me to be. It took this long to realize that I wasn’t being myself. It is a strange feeling to step back from everything and see that who you were and who you are becoming. I didn’t like who I was becoming, so I decided to start being me again. If the girl didn’t like me for who I was, then we weren’t meant to be together. If I wanted to wear two different color socks, god damnit I’m going to wear two different color socks. I’m done being weak. After little fights here and there over the past few days, I decide to instigate a little. The girl and I communicated using WhatsApp more than anything else. The app, by default, shows the last time the person you are chatting with was online. This means the last time they had the app open. On this particular day, the girl decides to turn off the setting that shows others you are online. At this point I know her well enough to know what she is likely to say, and how things are likely to play out. I decide to poke the bear. I start by asking her, as if it was strange, why I couldn’t see her online status anymore. “It’s a setting I changed. Everyone uses it like that. It’s modern!” she excuses, then changes the subject. I tell her I don’t like that I can’t see her status anymore. She asks if I am crazy and tells me she isn’t going to argue. I simply say that I know if the tables were turned, she wouldn’t have liked it. This is true because she constantly liked to know where I was. She also previously brought up the time difference between me reading a message and writing a response. So I think it is safe to say she pays attention to this kind of thing. I go on to ask her why she wanted to change this. She then sends me two aggravated voice messages explaining her sister taught her and she thought it was cool and she isn’t going to fight with me. I can tell she doesn’t like it when she isn’t the one starting the argument. I tell her that I am not trying to argue, I am just telling her that I don’t like it. “Look, I’m leaving December 5thso, please, don’t start trying to control me. Trust me, it isn’t going to go well.” she sinisterly replies. In the next breath she tells me that she adores me and is not going to fight because it isn’t a big deal. “Babe, I know it isn’t a big deal for you. I am telling you I don’t like it, so if it isn’t such a big deal, why don’t you go ahead and turn it back on?” Yes, I know, it is a childish thing to argue about. This is just to prove to myself a point. I’ve done everything to try and make us compatible, but I can’t be with a woman that doesn’t respect me as a man. I feel respect is given as much as it is received. I have done nothing but show this girl respect, but I can’t say she has done the same for me. We go back and forth for the next ten minutes or so and sum up that she refuses to change the setting back and she refuses to talk about it. I tell her that we are getting nowhere chatting about this through messages and that I will talk to her when I get home. I intentionally stay late because I already know what is coming when I get home. Before I leave the office I tell myself to be a man. I tell myself to take control of this relationship. “All in. We either make this thing work, or we move on with our lives. When I get home our discussion will hold the fate of our relationship.” Ok, I was being dramatic, but I had enough of this unhealthy relationship and I was trying to hype myself up. It was time to go home and grab this bull by the horns.
