Responding to Racist Comments
Sigh…
I met a smiling, old white grandpa in the waiting room of a medical lab this morning. We spoke of the old Pittsburgh Steelers and the new obsession with cell phones. We appreciated our hats. His was a baseball cap. Mine was close to Indiana Jones's style.
It felt good talking with this friendly man until it felt deeply awful. He mentioned in an offhand way how he avoided a certain place because the Blacks go there.
In an instant, I stopped seeing a fellow who would fit right in on my deck at the next gathering of friends and family. Instead, here was a man who would avoid most of the people I love if he came across them in public without an introduction. His default attitude, however well-hidden in mixed company, would prejudge them.
I look like the kind of guy a bigoted man can trust. I long ago lost track of how many dozen times I’ve suffered that trust. How should I react? I’ve never felt good about my reactions. They range from icy to angry.
In this case, despite realizing nothing good would come of it, I lectured him. He put on his defensive armor. His eyes glanced at the young white woman across the room. He had Black friends. He didn’t have a negative opinion of Black people. I’d misunderstood him. Blah, blah, blah.
What next? How about exploring the cliché of how every bigoted person claims to have black friends? How about an appeal to logic? I could sarcastically point out that, in general, we don’t avoid places where we expect to run into people we like.
I settled on giving him supercilious advice. I told him he shouldn’t bring up his racial opinions the first time he meets somebody. Once again, I’d chosen conflict. It’s a better choice than politely allowing a racist opinion to go unchallenged. Even so, I have new plans for next time.
If I had it to play over again, I’d stop him right away after hearing the comment about avoiding a place where the Blacks go. I’d ask if he had a poor opinion of them. He’d claim the opposite. I’d tell him I was glad to hear he’d feel good toward my grandchildren.
It’s one thing to have a spiritual outlook in the abstract and quite another to see God in the heart of a person who has just turned your stomach. The reason I’d gotten along with this man in the first place wasn’t just our similar age, gender, and ethnicity. I bonded easily because I pray every day to recognize the depths of every soul I come in contact with.
This discipline has allowed me to uncover some of what is hidden from us. The depth of worth I recognized in this prejudiced man was real, even though it quickly got harder to see.
Many of my fellow Liberals won’t agree — better to judge the bigots and be done with them. I’ve been lacerated by Liberal tongues for using the phrase, “hate the sin but love the sinner,” because homophobes use it while still obviously hating the “sinners.”
I failed to follow my own advice today. I wish I hadn’t given a fellow human being a reason to trade his baseball cap for a helmet or, worse yet, a MAGA hat. Maybe the man will watch his tongue better in public, but that tongue will turn against “social justice warriors” when he drinks with friends.
The man and his buddies will shake their heads about oversensitive Liberals like me — the guy in the waiting room who saw racism where it didn’t exist. By judging the man, I made it harder for him to judge his own actions and beliefs.
Every complaint he has against Blacks will seem all the more like reality to him, a reality made worse by Liberals. It’s really the Liberals’ fault when those people act like they do.
At least I didn’t ridicule him for claiming to have Black friends. That would not have convinced him to make more exceptions to his discriminating tastes. If, instead, I’d told him I hoped he would respect my loved ones the same as I respected him, the world might be a sliver better now.
My kumbaya approach looks foolish if our purpose is to crush the ugly enemy. That’s not my purpose. My aim is to find the beautiful jewels that sunk in their sewage.
I seek out sacred presence wherever I go. It’s no more impractical than provoking well-armed patriots who dream of a second-amendment solution to Liberalism.
