MUSIC SATIRE

Elvis Presley Stole My Peanut Butter, Banana and Bacon Sandwich

Not cool, baby

Alexander Razin
SH0TGUN
Published in
4 min readSep 9, 2023

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Image Credit: Night Cafe

After a long night of wiping surfaces, I can go home. It’s monotonous wiping other people’s shit. I think I saw an employee spitting on a table so I could clean it.

At least they make my job entertaining.

But my house is more fun than my job. I’ve everything I need to make my fave: peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich.

Once home, my appetite grew beyond measure. I had forgotten to take any food to work, and a peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich was what I was craving. I couldn’t help but leave saliva trails at work. The staff couldn’t tell. They thought it was the sanitizer.

I prepared my Pb double B with a summer blockbuster montage. “Push It To The Limit” played while I cooked the bacon, sliced the banana, and toasted the white artisan bread. As the song faded into the background, my sandwich was ready. I couldn’t help but cry.

No one, and I mean no one, could take it away from me.

Yet, someone did. Some with no business coming to my house.

Bang! A loud noise hits my house as I wipe my tears to eat. I see an illuminating light with a tall, shadowy figure standing in it.

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Alexander Razin
SH0TGUN

Aficionado and connoisseur of obscure and experimental music, movies, and TV. Fictional and nonfictional pieces have their place here, too