Season 23 of South Park will Probably be the Show’s Last

When it’s all over, every child of the late 1990s will hold hands while they simultaneously cry and orgasm together. But for now, let’s just enjoy the fact that we have one more season of a genius-level comedy to look forward to.

South Park has been gearing up to end for a number of years now, and with the show’s contract with Comedy Central running out at the end of this year, it seems like that end is finally upon us.

I have mixed feelings about the show ending. On one hand, I fucking love South Park. On the other, I wouldn’t want the showrunners to drag the show on unnecessarily if they feel that they’re best days are behind them.

I’ve always felt a special connection to the show. More so than any other TV program, really. We just have so much in common. We were both born in 1997. We were both conceived under the influence of LSD. AND we’ve both been in the fourth grade for the past 20 years!

We’re kindred spirits, South Park and me.

Ok, that last part was a joke (although, I have been called a mental fourth-grade. But I don’t go to that physician anymore, he was a real dickhead).

And that acid thing is hopefully just a rumor, for my sake.

But that first statement is 100% accurate. I am EXACTLY the same age as South Park. Blackjack motherfucker. 21-years-handsome. Whatup.

Crazy, isn’t it? Just think about it, if South Park was a real person he too would be struggling to graduate college right now.

It’s safe to say that my affinity for the show can be at least partially attributed to the fact that I literally don’t know what life is like without it. South Park has been there for every step of my conscious existence.

When I hit puberty in 2008? South Park was there. Freshman year of college South Park was there. When I almost did some “light time” for using a fake ID on a police officer? (side note: they HATE that) You guessed it, South Park.

Every year of my life I’ve been able to count on Matt Stone and Trey Parker to crank out (phrasing) another season of my favorite tv show.

Very few things in this world will ever be as constant as South Park has been for me these past two decades. Well, besides herpes. That shit’s for life. I don’t have herpes, for the record, I’m just saying… it’s constant. Just like South Park. Man, that analogy went off the rails.

Anyway! The reason that I’ve taken to the interwebs today to harass you fine people with an unsolicited glimpse into my personal life, is because I believe that season 23 is going to be South Park’s last season. Ever. After next season, South Park is dunzo. I’m officially calling my shot. Please clap.

There’s just no use in denying the truth any longer. The writing on the wall has become too obvious to ignore.

Between the whole #CancelSouthPark campaign from last season, the alarming — almost tasteless — number of school shooting jokes that they made (seriously, there were SO many school shooting jokes), it certainly seems like Matt and Trey are gearing up to get canceled after their contract runs out in 2020.

And just for the record, I don’t think that they were seriously trying to get canceled last season, like so many people predicted. I DO, however, think that they were setting the stage and testing the waters for a holy shit hold-on-to-your-butts series finale in 2019 that will probably make us reevaluate our relationship with the first amendment.

I mean, come on…

This is South Park we’re talking about!

Matt and Trey have been chucking double-birds at America for over two decades now. They could be off of television and perhaps deported by tomorrow morning if they really wanted to.

Lest we forget that these are the guys who showed up to the Oscars, in women's clothes, polarized sunglasses, and tripping their tits off on acid. So, subtlety isn’t exactly their thing.

It’s like Lou Dorchen says in the 2010 classic film Hot Tub Time Machine, “If I wanted to kill myself, I’d fucking kill myself, I’d be awesome at it…Shotgun to the dick.”

My references are out of control. Everybody knows that shit.

Ok, sorry, back to South Park.

In case you needed further convincing, season 23 will be when the show reaches its landmark 300th episode. Coincidence? I think NOT. Seems like a solid spot to end.

Plus, season 22 featured an unusual number of nostalgic characters from the earlier seasons such as Towelie, Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo, ManBearPig, Al Gore, and Satan just to name a few. This focus on throwback characters from the show’s glory days gave the 22nd season the vibe of a “greatest-hits-reunion-tour.” I mean honestly, they brought back ManBearPig… Fucking ManBearPig! For two whole episodes!

I know it’s a vulgar and immature show, but, South Park is irrefutably brilliant. It has something for everybody. South Park has taught me some extremely valuable life lessons over the past 20 years. Such as, don’t dress up like a cardboard robot unless you want elderly businessmen to try and have their way with you… sexually. You know, street smarts!

I’m gonna miss South Park dearly when it’s over. But, at least we’ll have at 300+ episodes to enjoy for the rest of our young hot lives. And who knows, maybe they’ll do another movie or a Christmas special or some shit in the future.

Until next time. Screw you guys, I’m going home.