#MeToo
The hashtag can trend, but this issue shouldn’t.
The other day, I was walking down Boylston Street in Boston, on my way to meet a friend, and was stopped by a man on the street who saw me coming. He stood directly in my walking path, looked me up and down, and loudly said “Damn Ma, you lookin’ thick in them jeans.”
The jeans in question are a modest, dark wash. I also had on a jacket and oversized scarf. My face was half hidden under massive sunglasses, but the half that was visible was bright red — flushed with embarrassment, as his comments had caused a number of other pedestrians to turn and look.
The only way past him, was through him, so I smiled politely and sidestepped him and kept walking.
Behind me, he yelled “You could at least say thank you!”
Instances like this happen to me at least once a week, usually more.
Which is why, when I saw Alyssa Milano’s tweet on Sunday — and the viral response that followed — I wasn’t surprised. Just overwhelmed.
It was the Bat Signal of tweets for women and men, everywhere, to share their stories of harassment and assault, brought on by the Harvey Weinstein revelation.
Within a day, #MeToo had been shared half a million times across Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. With each share, there was a story of unwanted advances, hidden shame, and confusion. It’s “empowerment through empathy,” according to Tarana Burke, co-creator of the #MeToo movement.
I toiled with whether or not I should also share my tweet of “#MeToo” in solidarity, but couldn’t bring myself to because, frankly, I’m one of the lucky ones.
The most that’s happened to me is having my boobs grabbed without my consent, or having my ass palmed by a stranger on the T, or loud men on street sidewalks telling my I look some type of way. It’s tame. And in a weird way, to talk about it feels like bragging. Like saying, ‘some guy catcalled me today’ or ‘some guy grabbed my ass as I was getting off the T today’ feels somewhat boastful.
But then I jumped on Twitter, and then Facebook, and then Instagram, and it was just an endless scroll of #MeToo. People I don’t know, people I don’t know well, people I love. For all of them, it was #MeToo. And I thought to myself, Fuck this. We have to say this shit out loud. We have to create community, not isolation, around these issues. We have to do better.
As I write this, I still feel hesitant to put my two cents into the universe. Like I said, my experiences are tame. But, the story that I told myself in the moment is that those instances are not a big deal.
It happens to everyone. This is normal.
But, the reality is, it shouldn’t happen to everyone. It shouldn’t be normal. It is a big fucking deal.
It’s a big deal because I grew up in a relatively safe place, and went to school in a sleepy valley town, on a campus that was notoriously rowdy — but not violent.
And yet, somehow, I still learned to carry my keys in my hands when walking home alone. I still take the well-lit route, even if it’s longer, because the shadows are good hiding places. If I’m alone, I wear my hair down because pony tails, buns, and braids are easier to grab from behind. Loose hair is slipperier. If I know I’m going to be walking somewhere, and there’s a chance I won’t have someone with me, I always wear heels. They’re easier to dig into someone’s shin. Or if I know I’m going out with the girls, I wear jeans. Skirts and dresses are too easy to slip a hand into.
I have a million tricks. Every woman does. It’s learned behavior. It’s survival.
It’s a big deal because men who have done much worse than catcalling and ass smacking are leading our country. They’re puppeteering behind the scenes in multi-million dollar industries. They’re creating the pop culture that informs our societal norms. They’re setting examples all through our culture.
And before we get ahead of ourselves, it’s not just men. Women can be sexual predators, too. #MeToo showed that harassment and assault runs rampant — gender, sexuality, industry notwithstanding.
#MeToo opened up the dialogue. It made my guy friends say “Really? This?” and my girlfriends say “Finally. This.” But it’s only part of the story. There are so many men and women who have their own stories who aren’t ready to talk — and may never be.
I’m glad that we’ve started talking about it. I think it’s about time. The only way change comes is through pain and tough conversations. So this is a start. It’s time to be better, you guys. You can do it, and #MeToo.
