The Space Between

Learning from liminal spaces.

A liminal space is a threshold; a place between what used to be, and what comes next. They are stretches of uncertainty, transition, and waiting.

I know this, because I’ve been reading a lot about love lately. Maybe it’s because I’m closing in on 25 and still single, or maybe it’s because there’s a new Ed Sheeran album that’s got me feelin’ some type of way, or maybe it’s because I can’t always squash the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.

Whatever it is, it’s taken me down some pretty impressive online rabbit holes.

The other night, I opened my laptop at 6 p.m., started scrolling through P.S. I Love You— a site that was suggested when I signed up for Medium based on my interest in the “Relationships” category — and looked up 4 hours later, only because my Netflix self-paused New Girl with that condescending “Are you still watching?” message. First of all, you know I’m still watching, Netflix. Don’t be rude. Second, of all, it speaks for itself that I can read for hours about bad breakups, virginity crises, first times gone awry, and soul-searching poetry without batting an eye. I have a lot of feelings, okay?

So there I am, lounging on my couch in sweatpants, hair in a knot, reading about why I’ll never find love, when I stumbled across this idea of liminal spaces. It’s a really poetic concept, but as soon as I read it, it felt like more than just a concept — it felt like my life.

When you really break it down, that’s what your 20s are, right? This period of transition, or waiting and wanting, of trying to figure out how to cross the divide.

It’s the move from college to home, and home to your first apartment. It’s starting your first job, and then your second, and third. It’s watching your friends grow, change, and drop-off. It’s meeting new friends, and creating a little family for yourselves. These liminalities present themselves in all kinds of ways — physically, personally and professionally — everyday.

For those of us who work a 9 to 5 in a cube, the whole day could be liminal. The day at your desk is spent wondering if this is the right thing. We start new jobs just to see what it’s like. We try on new roles to figure out what fits. Everyday is a new adventure into adulthood, and we’re really only partially convinced that we like it. Do we stay and try to get that promotion? Or, do we try something new that might be more me? Should I just start a food truck?

Or maybe, your liminal space is your personal life (ahem…). When you find yourself at home, eating ice cream with your roommate for the third consecutive Friday night, while you both scroll through Facebook liking your friends’ engagement announcements, you might begin to wonder if you’re doing something wrong…socially. You may even find yourself asking the tough questions: Should I go out? Should I try a dating app? Does this require real pants?

This in-between junk? It’s scary. The waiting, the not-knowing, the transitioning? It sucks. To me, it feels like i’m trying to run but I can’t get traction — there’s just no forward movement.

But here’s the thing, there actually is.

Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Even if the day is a slog and nothing goes right, you’re growing. It’s in these spaces of uncertainty that we’re experiencing what we want and need, and learning where our boundaries are.

Every time you find a part of life that makes you go “ahh…scary,” you’re getting just a little closer to your “what comes next.”

It’s a life of liminalities.