What It Means To Have Real Girlfriends- From The Girl That Struggled Keeping Girlfriends…

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” -Martin Luther King Junior

My mother will be the first to tell you that I struggled making and keeping girlfriends growing up. Being the natural, social butterfly that I am, meeting girls my age was never the problem. Getting them to like me and stick around for an extended period of time was the challenge. Growing up, I had “friend phases”. You know, that one friend you called your “best friend” for some extended amount of time and then eventually drifted off from until you got a new “best friend”. I never had fallouts with any of my “best friends”, or any drama at all really. I just slowly started hanging out with them less to the point where they found a new “best friend”. Maybe this was partially due to the fact that I moved schools a fair amount of times, but despite my multiple school transitions, I always seemed to fall in and out of friendships. The person this seemed to concern the most was my mother. Throughout elementary school, middle school, and even most of high school, my mom would regularly ask, “Sierra, why aren’t you hanging out with _______ anymore?” She always seemed to notice the falling out of my friendships before I did, because if I’m being honest, falling out of friendships didn’t bother me much. I’ve always been reasonably independent and never seemed to need girlfriends.

Now that I’m in college, however, I’ve started to learn and appreciate the power and importance of real, genuine, girlfriends. When I was growing up, the only support system I ever needed was in my own home. But now that I’m across the country for school, having real friends has gotten me through some of the most difficult of times. Here are a few things that I’ve noticed that are different between your “friend phases” and real, genuine girlfriends:

1. You don’t have to talk to them everyday. This is HUGE. One of my biggest problems with friendships growing up is that I was always so busy that I didn’t have time to hang out with them or talk to them every second of the day. Real friends don’t need you to cater to them. At this point in time, we should be old enough to realize that we have more things going on in our lives and don’t have endless time to text/call our friends every second of the day. Real friends understand that. In fact, they understand it so well that no matter how much time goes by, you are always able to pick up right where you left off.
2. They understand that you have other friends. If your friends are getting butt-hurt because you are posting pictures with other girls or they see your snapchat story of you at lunch with friends and they weren’t invited, then you need to reevaluate the maturity of your friends. This kind of thing was acceptable in elementary school, but we are all adults now and if you’re anything like me, you have friends from multiple social circles. If your “college friends” are getting upset about you talking to your “home friends” too much, then that’s a red flag. I don’t have a single picture of my two best friends from home (shoutout to The Trio) on any of my social media and they still know they are my day one’s. THAT is true friendship.
3. They’re brutally honest. If your friends can look you straight in the eye and say “You look horrible in that picture,” or “Your boyfriend sucks. Breakup with him,” instead of posting the picture anyway because they look good, or just listening to you rant about your crappy boyfriend without offering their honest feedback, then they’re the real MVP.
4. They don’t hold petty grudges. This comes with just getting older and realizing what’s actually a big deal and what isn’t. Fake/temporary friends will give you the cold shoulder, and be passive aggressive with you. Real friends will tell you they’re upset and eventually let it go. True friends don’t like having drama with one another.
5. They change you for the better. I am a strong believer that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. It is easy to know when a true friend walks into your life because you want to be a better friend and overall person for them. For example, I never went to church regularly growing up, but recently I started going to church every Sunday with one of my closest college friends, Kayla. At first, I wanted to do it because it was important to HER that I started going to church. Eventually, however, I discovered that because of her, I was growing and changing for the better. True friends bring out the best in you without even trying.

If you’re anything like me, or if you have a daughter you’re concerned about, don’t worry too much. Being a girl and maintaining childhood/adolescent friendships is really difficult. Girls are difficult to get along with, and if your daughter is anything like me, she probably is just trying to distance herself from the drama or is simply too busy to worry about girlfriends. But I assure you, it’s just a phase. Also, I’ve also noticed I’m much more selective with the girls I let into my inner circle. Girls are mean and sometimes untrustworthy, so don’t be too concerned if your daughter doesn’t have a ton of girlfriends. I’ve learned it’s better to have a few great friends than lots of mediocre ones.