“If things had not changed, we would have all just continued going our separate ways.”
Lilia Rivera, Washington Heights
Months of quarantine have brought new rhythms of life into Lilia Rivera’s family home.
“Every day at 9am I prepare a cup of tea for my son. I got him to start journaling as one of the life-giving activities I’ve incorporated into our life at home. At first he resisted, but now when I don’t bring him a cup of tea and a journal question every morning he’s like, “What’s going on, Mom?” I don’t get to read them. It’s just little bits of collecting who he is. I mean, he’s 17 years old. And he’s not the most talkative being on the planet. So it’s helped him communicate more of his thoughts and his feelings.
There’s a new family life that is being birthed in this season, whereas I can see if things had not changed, we would have all just continued going our separate ways. Not that we were growing apart or anything, but we just take things for granted. These months of quarantine have interrupted that, in a really good way.
Hard topics are things I don’t shy away from. One of the things that I’ve emphasized is my husband and son’s relationship, and making the most out of this season to connect. Because I see them each retreating to their devices, and all the things they love and do, but oftentimes missing one another in the midst of it, even though we’re spending so much time in such close quarters.
At this point where my son is grown and very self-sufficient, it’s easy for everyone to go their own separate ways. We could easily have a whole week go by and not really connect to one another. So these stay home months have brought new, life-giving connection between us. Even if it’s as simple as going for a walk or a bike ride together. It’s brought us back to sharing a meal together, with a purpose. That’s one of the rhythms we’ve introduced. I mean, it doesn’t happen often, but it happens for sure on a weekly basis.
The idea of having the day of rest or sacred space in the week was a thing I was generally becoming aware of. When I started doing it I realized, Oh my goodness! I need to get candles! I need to get a special cup! I embroidered a little cloth to cover my bread. It just so happens that my husband, for the last three years now, has been making sourdough bread every weekend, so that’s our special bread.
I attempt to make an extra special meal on those nights, even if it’s simple. It’s not so much about the meal, it’s about the gathering, but it’s the one time a week where I will put out cloth napkins, a spoon and a fork and a knife, and you know, an actual place setting, and I try to get fresh flowers.
I found my amazing, bronze candlesticks in thrift shops on the Upper West Side. In the traditional Jewish setting there are two lights, so one represents God’s light and the other represents the light in humanity. I now have three candles, partly because I went shopping again and happened to find a third candlestick, so I was like, Great! Jesus is with us too! Because this is a messianic version of Sabbath practice. So I keep the three candles.
And then, it’s just sharing a moment where we recognize, it’s God’s light and our light coming together to create this special moment. Part of it is recognizing something beyond us, which is God, and part of it is also recognizing that we are called to participate in something greater, in partnership. Especially in these months that seem to just go on forever, it’s given a rhythm of life to each week.
Life for us was simple before in many ways, but this time has really emphasized the simplicity, and how good that can be. I think what I’ve learned is the value of just really small actions. And those little things end up adding up to, almost like a constructed life, which, in essence, is what you look back on and think, Wow, I’ve lived a good life. And it’s not that you won this big, huge accomplishment, or showed the world you did something grand or spectacular. That’s not our life. Our life is simple.
Beforehand, I would say, I didn’t quite know how to get there, how to have that amazing family I’d always dreamed of. You just kind of walk through it blind in many ways, hoping for the best. But now I’ve realized, it’s just being faithful to the little things everyday. And in this season I’ve seen that very, very clearly, and I want to hold onto that. Just the simple daily practices that are affirming for my relationships, for myself and for the reality that God is good. And if you look for it, you will find that goodness and be enveloped in it.”
Signs of Life is an editorial and photographic series by church.nyc. If themes within this story have resonated with you and you’d like to speak with someone about it, you can email hello@churchofthecity.com.
