“I’ve been given this different kind of love and expanded compassion for New York.”
Christen Smith, Midtown East
Christen Smith’s love for New York grows every time she sees the city rise from the ashes.
“In my eighteen years of living in New York, the city has been through significant collective trauma. Two weeks after I moved here as a freshman in college at NYU, which is where I teach animation now, the attacks on the World Trade Center happened. I was so young and new to the city, I didn’t really understand. But I do remember observing the aftermath and just how the city slowly picked itself back up. And collectively we all adjusted to new restrictions. Years later, I remember the 2008–2009 recession. I lost my job during that time; many people were unemployed. Yet again, we just sort of plowed through. Mundane, daily life still happened despite these huge crises.
I think the stereotype of New York is that it’s a hard place — people aren’t friendly, and they’ll speak their minds. They’ll confront you. You might complain that there’s no sense of hospitality here, yet I’ve seen New York come together in these moments of crisis. I think people have been motivated to put aside individual pursuits and privileges to really go out of their way to find commonalities, and to show goodwill to each other. I’ve seen that, and it’s impactful, the way New York rallies together.
I remember speaking to some of my NYU students during our first remote class meeting back in March. I felt so bad for them because they had just gone on Spring Break when they were told that the university would be closing, and they were getting kicked out of their dorms. They were Zooming in from their bedrooms at their parents’ houses in different parts of the country. I had international students coming in from different time zones and I just remember telling them: “I’ve been in New York for a while, and this is truly unique and crazy, but I’m still here. We’ll somehow find a way together.” I was at a loss for words, but I remember trying to express that, and seeing their faces relax just a little bit. I mean, there’s not much you can say, but I think the advantage of having hindsight is being able to testify, Yeah, I have seen this city get back on its feet.
Heading into this pandemic, I was already so worn out just from New York life. I had worn myself down on this workaholic trajectory, and was on my last leg. I was not prepared to go through this crisis from a mental health point of view. That’s also part of the reason why I spent eight weeks straight indoors at the start, because I think there was that much for me to decompress from, and to reevaluate. I am intending to emerge from this season of shutdown and social distancing with more defined rhythms of mental health and self-care. My life was pretty much just work, and I loved it that way, but it made me ill-prepared to respond. My response was really just, I can’t help anyone yet ’cause I’m so tired and it takes all my energy just to figure out how to order groceries. That’s the big lesson — I don’t ever want to let the things I’m responsible for get out of hand, and be in a place where I don’t have margin to express goodwill toward my neighbors, and toward this city.
The reason I’ve been able to stay in New York for so long is because God has changed my love for this city. It went from being, I love the city for how cool it is, how fun it is, and for the opportunities it gives me, to actually being, No, I want to stay here and be part of the industries here, the people here, the institutions and the communities, to make it a better city, not just for my own goals, but in and of itself. I feel like I’ve been given this different kind of love and expanded compassion for New York. It’s like how much I love and care about my friends and family — I love seeing their potential. Same with my students. As I’ve experienced these different crises, this same sense for New York has grown.
New York will get through this. This doesn’t necessarily mean things will go back to normal, and it’s not to minimize any loss of life or economy, or even of convenience or pleasures. But life has to go on. That’s just what life is. I guess that’s one of the blessings of being alive, is that you go on. What I hope is that this is an opportunity for New Yorkers to reset and be reminded of why we’re here, what we love about this place, and the people we encounter, like our neighbors who live on our street, or who are in the subways with us. I hope that New York doesn’t just pick itself back up, but that New Yorkers will pick ourselves back up with this compassionate drive, and this renewed, collective unity.”
Signs of Life is an editorial and photographic series by church.nyc. If themes within this story have resonated with you and you’d like to speak with someone about it, you can email hello@churchofthecity.com.
