Middle-earth: Shadow of War to Feature Drunken Orc on Orc Action

There's always time for a little romance

Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor was a game about love. Your character, Talion, is a ranger who was killed by the Black Hand of Sauron before his body was bonded with the wraith of elf lord Celebrimbor. The two work together to avenge the deaths of their loved ones. It also featured orcs.

Aside from a platonic kind of love between Talion and the odd orc who aided his cause; and the player’s own love of orcs (which I expect is platonic, but if your experience was different, I won’t judge), the orcs got very little loving in Shadow of Mordor. Thankfully, that looks set to change in its upcoming sequel, Middle-earth: Shadow of War, a game determined to prove that no matter how ugly you may be, you still deserve to get some sweet, sweet loving.

Speaking to Kotaku, focusing on the important things in life, Monolith Creative VP Michael de Plater discussed the sequel’s potential for orc love.

There’s a whole genre of [orc romance] on Amazon, as we discovered the other day. There’s absolutely people that love that! We don’t have anything like that in our game at the moment, but in an indirect way, you can make them your companions.

Note the bolded text in the above statement. While de Plater states that there is no orc romance in the game, he does clarify that this is “at the moment.” For anyone who follows video game (or any form pop culture) news, “at the moment” (see also: “currently no plans”) is code for “it’s too early to confirm that we are adding in this highly anticipated character/plot/feature, but we definitely are.”

In short, de Plater has surreptitiously confirmed that we will be treated to some orc loving. He further clarifies that in an indirect way, you can make orcs your companion. Assuming that Monolith is taking its cues from Bioware, companions are designed for one of two purposes:

  1. For your character to try and fuck.
  2. To fuck your character’s other companions.
These orcs are searching for love in this crazy world

de Plater elaborates further on orc love, explaining how this works:

I think [Shadow of War’s] orcs live in this very weird, hyper-masculine society. Violence is the sort of manifestation of their sensual side, their pleasure. That’s how they live their lives. Because they are these big exaggerations of hate and fear and violence, they do kind of love it and revel in it. I think it is kind of romantic for them.

The big question, however, is how romantic orc romance is. Does foreplay consist of tender, passionate kissing?

I don’t think orcs kiss, but they do get very drunk. The grog that they’re having, which is somewhere between alcohol and meth, that’s kind of fuelling the craziness that is Mordor. I’m sure they do all sorts of things [while on it].

The romance isn’t just alcohol and meth-fuelled debauchery, however. In the way that Kevin Costner wooed Whitney Houston while protecting her in The Bodyguard, we can expect a similar exploration of heartfelt romance.

It’s just really about a connection with these guys. If one’s your bodyguard and you’re really down and you’re about to die, this guy leaps in and saves you. It creates a connection. These guys are helping you out. It’s sort of the inverse of last time. Sometimes if an orc was an enemy, we’d see people become really connected with them and disappointed when they lost them.
The template

So, what have we learned about Middle-earth: Shadow of War? It’s more than just a tale of love; it’s a tale of lust. JRR Tolkien has written more works fleshing out the world of Middle-earth that are yet to be uncovered, breaking down the sexploits of the various races. Should Shadow of War be successful, expect these works to be uncovered before inspiring Peter Jackson to film his third trilogy.