Nintendo Cancel the Switch
Nintendo have officially cancelled their next console/portable hybrid, the Switch.
“After intense consideration we have decided to exit the hardware business” Nintendo head of bummer announcements, Yuyamosadu Shogeru told reporters. “We are ending production on the 3DS, 2DS and no longer proceeding with our plans for the Nintendo Switch.”
When questioned to clarify if the Wii U was still being manufactured Yuyamosadu asked “What device?”. After a lengthy consultation with other confused staff he finally provided the following short statement “Nintendo had forgotten about the Wii U. We hope they still aren’t being made”.
For those of you afraid that this would mean the end for one of the longest and most loved gaming companies, Yuyamosadu handed the reporters over to a smiling Miyamoto Shigeru.
“This is definitely not the end of Nintendo. If 2016 proved anything, it is that people where willing to use $1,000 phones almost purely for catching Pokemon. With Super Mario Run posed to make more money than any previous Mario game, it became obvious we no longer had to waste resources on console research and development. Nintendo are not making any more hardware, because Nintendo are taking over all the hardware.”
Miyamoto further elaborated on their plans, extending it beyond smart phones and into the real world. “We have already spoken about Super Nintendo Land in partnership with Universal Studios. Well, today we are excited to announce a new raft of Nintendo partnerships. We will soon be releasing a range of Mercedes built, Mario Kart inspired cars. We hope our Nintendo family can drive their Mario Karts down to McDonald’s to enjoy a Yoshi burger, before proceeding to the cinema to see the remastered version of Super Mario Bros, now part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.”
