Project Scorpio is a Burger, Not a Console
While Microsoft has touted its upcoming Xbox One revision Project Scorpio as “the most powerful console ever,” 343 Industries head Frank O’Connor has raised serious doubts about the claim. While Project Scorpio will indeed be more powerful than the current crop of consoles, it isn’t actually a console. It’s a burger.
Posting on NeoGaf, O’Connor says “It’s beefier than I thought,” convincing vegans the world over that the more ethical, meat-free Nintendo Switch will be the way to go in 2017.
When pressed for further information, O’Connor talked up the release of Halo 6, describing it as the “exclusive special sauce” of Project Scorpio. “Like the Big Mac before it, Project Scorpio is the perfect blend of flavours, underpinned by its exclusive special sauce. Halo 6 is that special sauce, offering gamers something familiar, but absolutely new; and in many ways is the reason that people will take a bite out of Project Scorpio.”
“Unlike the Big Mac, however, Project Scorpio will actually use real beef,” O’Connor was quick to clarify.
O’Connor explained the absence of Scalebound, providing the first confirmation of Microsoft’s recent decision to cancel it. “It came to Microsoft’s attention that dragons are a protected species in most countries, and dragon meat is therefore banned in those regions.”
While it may be disappointing to learn that Project Scorpio will not include delicious dragon meat, it will still include a healthy dose of crack.
Talking up Crackdown, O’Connor mentioned “KFC’s secret herbs and spices have resulted in addictive products that have taken the world by storm. To ensure that Project Scorpio is the most addictive burger in the history of burgers, we will move forward with Crackdown, ensuring fans the world over are able to get their much needed crack cocaine hit.”
Project Scorpio is looking very appetising indeed, however the company has lost matketshare to Sony during the current console generation. With veganism on the rise, the extra beef included in Project Scorpio is a risky proposition, and Microsoft risks losing a further portion of their player base to the competition.
Stay tuned to Silent Protagonist for more information about Project Scorpio as it arises, and whether the final burger is as delicious as it sounds.
