Silent Protagonist’s E3 Predictions: 2017 Edition

Cosplay. We predict cosplay.

We are almost one week into June, and E3 is right around the corner. In a bid to make their readers think they’re an authorative source for all things gaming and to drive up page clicks as gaming news dries up in anticipation of the convention, now is the time for everybody to get their predictions out there out there. Here at Silent Protagonist, we want your clicks too.

E3 takes place from 13 to 15 June, with the press conferences kicking off from 10 June. Silent Protagonist expects to have something more interesting to say then.

Nintendo

We predict someone will cosplay as Mario introducing Yoshi to the Switch lifestyle

Nintendo likes to do things differently, and will again forego an E3 presentation for Nintendo Direct

because “Nintendo ignores E3” continues to make headlines. Nintendo has promised to feature more than last year, so fans can expect a minimum of two (yes, two!) whole games to feature. Nintento will be all about the Switch, so expect them to show off its power with more remasters of games old enough to run on a calculator.

Microsoft

We predict someone will cosplay as rampant Cortana

E3 will be all about Xbox Scorpio. Or Project Scorpio. Or Xbox One: The Next Generation That Technically Isn’t Next Generation. Microsoft will demonstrate a few games for it, but the bulk of the presentation will be dedicated to special guest Don Mattrick, demonstrating that with five teraflops of power, the new console is the best way to watch TV.

Sony

We predict that Crash and Tawna Bandicoot cosplay will take furries by storm

Historically, Sony sees what Microsoft is doing and steals all their thunder. With Microsoft focusing on the Xbox Scorpio, the most powerful console on the market, Sony will focus on the PSP3, the most powerful handheld console on the market (excluding the Nintendo Switch). The PSP3 will be so great that the games media will spend the next six months talking about how it won E3, and what a terrible console the Scorpio is.

Everybody Who Doesn’t Have a Console to Pimp

We predict parents will dress up their kids as assassins, because assassins are cute

We’ll see games and announcements of what consoles they’ll appear on! We’ll see some companies announce how they’ve built around its five teraflops for the greatest gaming experience ever! We’ll see more companies announce more games that are PS4 exclusives! We’ll see nobody announce anything for the Nintendo Switch (but it’s okay, they apparently do support it. Really).