Socialist Minecraft Becomes Capitalist Minecraft

So many monies

Remember back in the day, when Minecraft represented the ideal — a shared economy where anybody and everybody could jump in, play and have fun with so many assets? You would pay the price of entry, and have the world at your fingertips. Then in November 2014, Microsoft bought Mojang in a deal that had people wondering about Minecraft’s future, because Microsoft likes money.

The world was left wondering how the house that Bill Gates built was going to exploit its young player base. Instead, fans have been treated to HoloLens demonstrations, showing the world how augmented reality will be the only real way to play Minecraft. With all eyes on Project Scorpio and nary a word about how Microsoft is going to use HoloLens to exploit its youngest fans, it appears the company has now found a way.

Enter, Minecraft Coins. By paying money to Microsoft, you will be provided money that you can spend in the game. Think of it as a currency conversion service, except the money you’re receiving is fake, you can only use it to purchase digital goods within the game, and the conversation rate is unadvertised because in the physical world it would be so bad it’s illegal.

A small sample of what fans can expect

The brainchild of Martin Shkreli, Minecraft Coins will allow companies to sell goods and services within the Minecraft world. As explained by executive producer, John Thornton:

For the first time we are going to enable creators to come in and put content into our store alongside the same content that Minecraft makes. The real impetus is to let creators connect to players and help them make a living on top of Minecraft.

Rubbing his hands with glee, Shkreli added:

You should see the mark-up on this shit! Taking kid’s lunch money is even more hilarious than ripping off people who desperately need their HIV medication to survive.

So far, only nine companies will be jumping into the new, improved, revenue-raising venture. The announced companies are:

  • MSMB Capital Management
  • The Trump Organization
  • Monsanto
  • British American Tobacco
  • Pfizer
  • Chevron Corp
  • Weyland-Yutani Corporation
  • LexCorp
  • Electronic Arts

Minecraft will begin selling Minecraft Coins in the US Spring. Parents are cautioned to keep their credit and debit cards out of their child’s reach.