Switch: Nintendo’s Dominant, Submissive and Sadomasochistic Counter-Culture Console

Ready to switch

After the release of the Wii and Wii U, Nintendo is no stranger to strangely telling console names. The Nintendo Switch is no different, and at today’s presentation, Nintendo established their upcoming console as defined by the switch subculture. Even the extra special, non-grey colour scheme pays tribute with its dominant red and submissive blue.

While it is dominating fans' minds and gaming media (including Silent Protagonist, where we sadly aren’t immune to hyperbole), the Switch’s specs are submissive to everything else on the market not produced by Nintendo. The company’s sadism comes to the fore as its subpar specs and battery life as low as 2.5 hours hurt fans; but their masochistic tendencies will come out and play as the world continues to mock Nintendo’s performance. Give or take, Nintendo loves it all.

While presenting, Tatsumi Kimishima revealed a few facts about Nintendo’s latest, including a Switch dock which allows the console to plug into your TV and take control. If you want to spice things up, feel free to remove it from the TV, touch the tablet and make it do whatever you like — as long as you don’t intend to play a video game that lives up to modern standards.

Tatsumi Kimishima surprised all who expected him to wear a Mario hat at the presentation

As their name suggests, the Joy-Con controllers are designed bring you joy, regardless of whether you’re dominating your game, or submitting to opposing forces. Be warned, though: the right Joy-Con has a motion AR camera, and will know exactly what you are doing with your hand. For added intensity, the two controllers can be combined with the Joy-Con grip, and Nintendo is promising more powerful vibrations via their “HD Rumble” feature.

Nintendo knows their customer base likes to play weird and wacky games, whether they’re in the bedroom, on the couch, or surrounded by people at a party. The Switch is designed to appeal to all predilections, with a variety of games to entice players to keep coming back for more.

According to Nintendo’s director of hardware, 1 2 Switch is the highlight for couples, encouraging them to stare intently into each other’s eyes, rather that at the TV. Meanwhile, Arms allows gamers to fight by stretching an appendage further and further, to uncomfortable and painful levels. And let’s not forget Super Mario Odyssey, where Mario breaks free of his vanilla lifestyle with Princess Peach, opting to explore himself in a “real world” setting.

Ryan Reynolds and Morena Baccarin demonstrate the Switch

The Nintendo Switch releases on 3 March 2017, in game and sex shops the world over.