The Second Coming of Snake

The year 2000: fondly remembered for its Nokia phones and Shannon Elizabeth

The year is 2017 and we are living in the future. Whether it’s through our computers, our game consoles, our phones or our sex toys, we have vast amounts of technology and information at our fingertips thanks to devices that are now smarter than we are. But like any future worth its salt, we are at risk of becoming a post-apocalyptic wasteland, thanks to a certain billionaire’s and his ready access to a shiny red button.

Who, or what, can save us?

Snake.

You mean Big Boss, the hero formerly known as [insert adjective here] Snake?

No, Snake.

Snake Plissken? We’re going to see Escape from Washington DC?

Snake, yes; Plissken, no. Snake will save us.

Cast your mind back to the year 2000. The world had narrowly escaped the Millennium Bug, we had finally stopped partying like it’s 1999, and Nokia hadn’t yet attempted to beat the iPhone by latching on to Windows Phone. The indestructible Nokia 3310 had just hit the market, asserting its telephonic dominance thanks to a little game called Snake.

Solid Snake, circa 2000

HMD Global Oy, the rights holder of the Nokia brand, has announced a new suite of phones geared to achieve market dominance for the brand, while hopefully not exploding in people’s homes, Samsung style. Three new Nokias have been announced: the Nokia 3, the Nokia 5 and the Nokia 6, a rote series of phones with standard features in addition to veritable proof that people only study marketing because they first failed maths.

However, capitalising on Nintendo’s success at capitalising on nostalgia, also announced is the Nokia 3310. Approximately $80 Australian will nab you the phone with unparalleled battery life and the world’s greatest game: Snake. While players will sacrifice the ability to download apps, browse the internet and check their email, it is a very reasonable price to travel back to a simpler time and relive the addictive magic of Snake. Finally, you may once again move the titular character across the screen as it exponentially grows.

Snake’s return will be formally announced on 26 February in Barcelona, home of the 1992 Olympics and the Snake World Cup. We can also expect some concrete news about Snake: The Movie, a film with twice the budget of Avatar, promising to do for video game movies what Assassin’s Creed failed to do.

They don't make games like they used to

In Snake we trust.