Ubisoft Announces Its 12 Month Game Breaking Bug Plan

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Today is the day where Ubisoft spoils their E3 plans by updating the world on what they have planned for the next 12 months in an attempt to make the previous 12 months’ earnings appear to be part of some grand plan. From their spoiler-filled press release, Ubisoft advises that:

Over the last three fiscal years, Ubisoft has — with remarkable success — created numerous new brands and rebooted Rainbow Six and Ghost Recon... In 2017-18 we will see the exciting returns of Assassin’s Creed, Far Cry, The Crew and South Park. In 2018-19 we intend to pursue our digital transformation and consolidate our new business model, which is much more recurring and more profitable and is now significantly less exposed to new releases.

South Park: Sly Play on Words So the Title Doesn’t Get Us Censored is a surprise, given the number of delays the game has experienced. Silent Protagonist had not expected it until the 2021-22 financial year, but now that it’s press release official, things can’t change.

Less surprising are the unannounced games, which Donald Trump leaked to Russia with all that other classified information. Silent Protagonist has the details you need below.

The romance Assassin's Creed is known for

Assassins: Creed Origins takes its cues from the worst Arkham game, telling the early years of the Assassin/Templar war. Shoehorned in to fill a gap until the next AC game hits in a year, its greatest selling point is that after having two years’ development instead of the requisite one, you will get two years of glitches that will ruin your gaming experience!

You can expect more driving in Far Cry

Far 5 will see players taking the role of Vin Diesel in the franchise’s next entry as he and his friends drive fast cars and talk about family. Expect guns, explosions, cars and death traps to play a Far Cry game that is oddly similar to the others. Ubisoft have confirmed that Far Cry Primal’s hunting will return courtesy of road kill. Ubisoft has not mentioned the bugs, but players will still have to endure Michelle Rodriguez’s acting.

The Crew is just as buggy as other Ubisoft games

2 Crew to Poo is the hip sequel to The Crew. Described by Ubisoft as a steaming pile of crap that nobody will play even after they try patching the glitches and giving it away for free, fans of the original will be pleased to hear that they are getting more of the same old shit.

Ubisoft is expected to outline exactly how these games are broken at E3 next month.