You Wouldn’t Steal a Car

In the future all races and genders have evolved to look like Scarlet Johansson.

In a daring electronic raid, virtual pirates have stolen the future.

Earlier this week CD Projekt Red, developers of morally difficult magic sword fight simulator The Witcher 3 announced that thieves who may or may not have been a combination of George Clooney’s Ocean and Angelina Jolie’s Hackers have kidnapped early development documents for their morally difficult sci-fi gun fight simulator, Cyberpunk 2077.

In a future extension of our world, a place where fans spend $2,000 on a Batman action figure, it makes sense that toys will dominate our imaginations.

In a statement, Steam competitor CD Projekt Red said of the theft:

The documents are old and largely unrepresentative of the current vision for the game. Still, if you’re looking forward to playing Cyberpunk 2077, it would be best for you to avoid any information not coming directly from CD PROJEKT RED.

In an exclusive investigation Silent Protagonist have scoured the dark web and found copies of the stolen old development material.

Researching this article also uncovered a third party studio, RTalsorian games, that are working on a more up to date design document for Cyberpunk 2077. CD Projekt Red have been quiet on this little American Studio, which should have you worried. Why would a highly praised and talented east European developer be outsourcing to a third party in scandal ridden America?

More horrifyingly, in a case of reverse piratism, we discovered that RTalsorian is holding hostage a Kickstarter game they promised in 2013 in order to fund and focus on their new work for CD Projekt Red.

Therefore at Silent Protagonist we feel we have a moral imperative to delve deep into the supposedly stolen documents.

Spoilers ahead

We haven’t had time to fully review the material (we ran out of Mountain Dew half way through), but we have determined that originally the game was going to be set in 2020, with a very 80s rock aesthetic.

Apparently the game may revolve around a devolved internet, requiring phones the size of skateboards and dial up modems.

Look forward to further developments as we dive through the source documents. Next up we discuss the random character generation and Friday Night Firefights.

The stolen design documents are already up on the dark web.
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