Silent World

The ghosts among us, are not who we expect ... They are the living lost

1.1 Battlement

Stone by stone the defense is raised until at last the bridge is drawn

Like stones carefully sought and shaped by the mason; every taunt, rejection, injury, ridicule and jest builds the foundation and walls of my ramparts. Until eventually the gates are barred in retraction from the pain, recoiling from the world, it insidiously becomes…..my Prison.

I am known by many names these days and I am frequently the topic of discussion. Each week a new story evolves and a new joke is invented more elaborate and fantastic than the one gone before. No retort nor retaliation will I provide, I will not stoop so low as to play their games. Self control becomes my weapon, invisibility is my disguise, and my defense... anonymity.

In the confusion, reason no longer matters, purpose no longer exists, and nights no longer bring dreams. In the gloom that has become my every day I am still sought out for counsel on matters of the heart, mind, body and soul. I reject no one and turn none away becoming the keeper of secrets, the confidant of many, and healer of the wounded.

It is all I have left.

I am reclusive, aloof and withdrawn; to protect from the pain I have closed out the world at a price that costs me dearly. My family does not know as exclusion is indiscriminate, if you close the door on one you close the door on all.

Books are my escape; an alternate reality in which I am free. Music is my voice; a way to communicate without fear. God is my lifeline; the only being who knows, accepts and loves me as I am.

Why am I here? What am I meant to do?

I am different ……………………. and I am LOST.