The Art of Saying As Little As Possible

I’ve struggled forever to keep my mouth shut. If there is one thing I have tried to work on over the years, it’s saying less instead of more. I’ve been reminded again and again that you often achieve far more value by listening than talking. More so than not, I have left a meeting scolding myself for opening my mouth too much and not letting the other party speak. I’ve become much better at this since, but it is still something I try to focus on nevertheless.

In the past couple years, I have observed many meetings and email exchanges involving folks interacting with their superiors in business situations. By “superiors,” I mean one party that has something the other wants —relationships such as VC/founder, board member/manager and customer/vendor are included in this.

It’s almost painful at times reading emails from one to the other, but I’ve learned a great deal from them. Be polite, but direct. Do NOT beat around the bush. Just yesterday, I saw an email that was almost a page long winding its way around a simple request for approval. The long-winded mail was a bunch of niceties and “I hope’s” peppered with “It would be great’s”, “Sorry for’s”, etc. You all know what I mean, and you’ve all seen or written these emails or had such interactions.

Get to the point when you when you want something. Your superiors, customers, VC’s and whatnot usually don’t have much time. Furthermore, they’ve had all the niceties thrown at them. Just say what you want. There is always a fear of being too direct and potentially screwing something up. Trust me, you will never get in trouble for asking for what you want. If the other party is offended that you didn’t include enough niceties, then you may need to rethink the relationship.

Finally, when interacting directly, do not fear the silence. Oftentimes it’s best to say what you want and wait. Don’t say a word after getting to your point. Let the other party think. Let them see that it is their turn to say something. If you’ve clearly stated what your point was, they have no choice but to speak. If they ask questions, this is good. If they don’t react immediately, they are waiting to see if you have something to add. If you know what you want and have stated this clearly, again…..WAIT.

Many people are uncomfortable with silence or succinct emails. Don’t be one of them! Let the other side come to you.