Freak Your Manager Out And Take Your Spouse To Your Next Annual Review
Ah, Junior High! Everyone’s most favorite time in life. So many things to make you feel awkward, each item on the list more awkward than the previous. Acne, hormones, having to change in front of the “none chubby” boys during gym. It was a great time! If you were to have looked at me, you would have seen what comedian Mike Birbiglia has termed “Pawkward”. I was pudgy and awkward simultaneously. What made me even me even cooler was the fact that I played the clarinet in the school band. Which as you know, is the most romantic of all the woodwind instruments. I remember telling my mother how much I hated playing it, to which she responded by sympathetically gritting her teeth and telling me to get my butt back in my room and start tootin’ my horn! I hated that thing. Fortunately, mom worked and wasn’t home until after I got home from school. I would pretend that I had practiced, and when report cards came home, it was clear that I had not. My teacher sent home a letter to my mother saying that I had not been practicing and that if I wanted to make it to the higher skilled class (I didn’t) the following year, I would have to practice harder. So what did my mother do? She marched right into parent/teacher conferences with a mother’s fiery determination to protect her baby! She grabbed my hand like a toddler and yanked me involuntarily towards my teacher’s desk. There I was being dragged to my own personal hell. I knew that I had not practiced and I knew there was no way out of it. We sat down, and with her famous “Skeletor-esque” grin, my mother began to ask my teacher (with the skill and fluidity of a villain in a James Bond movie who’s Junior High Aptitude test would have told him that he was in the very fitting field of torture) why I had gotten such a low grade. The shocked look on my teachers face was one of disbelief and horror. When my mother was finished defending my honor, my teacher explained that it was very clear that I had not been practicing. My mother turned to me and said “Is she telling the truth?” I began to guiltily sweat. I looked down in defeat and admitted that I wasn’t practicing as much as I should. (I didn’t dare admit that I wasn’t practicing at all. Like…at all.) Defeat.
I learned a very important lesson from that experience. Sometimes, when you have the ones that you love sitting right next to you when you’re on trial, you get better results. I went home after that and practiced. I did get better. Unfortunately, I did not become the next Yo Yo Ma of the clarinet world. (I couldn’t be happier. Again, I hated that thing.)
Take a look at the modern performance review. As my mother learned that day, long ago, there are always two sides to the story. From the employee, if they’re a good employee, they might feel that the manager is not being honest with them. Or maybe that they’re not being transparent enough. If I get a low raise, I want to know why. But maybe the manager is scared to tell me why. At least that’s how it seems. I want to know what I can improve so that I can have more opportunity, and earn more money. “Just give it to me straight doc!”
From the manager’s perspective, maybe it’s not that they’re scared. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that time after time they have tried to get employees to change. Maybe they’re tired of mediocre performance and they feel that the employee won’t listen anyway.
As I mentioned, two sides of the story. But what if we throw in a third party? Here’s a crazy idea. What if I were to have my wife in the room with me as I receive my performance review? What would change? Everything. The presence of a spouse will put pressure on both the employee and the manager. But in a good way. There’s no one’s opinion that I respect more, than my wife’s. And if I find out that I’m getting a small raise, and she’s sitting next to me, she’s brave enough to ask why? And when my boss turns to her, and he’s feeling the pressure, he’ll be more honest. Maybe it had something to do with all my time on YouTube. Or maybe it was because I really enjoyed chatting it up with everyone for the first two hours of my day. If she hears about all of my discrepancies, you can bet that I will make some changes. She is my main reason for trying to succeed. I want her to be happy, and she wants me to feel accomplished and successful.
This will also give a spouse the opportunity to grill the manager a little bit. It can help keep them accountable to me as the employee. A good manager is someone that helps develop his/her team. If I had no idea that I was doing something wrong, then my wife’s presence can help me get to the bottom of why it was never brought to my attention. She can ask questions that come to her mind. The manager then has to be accountable to the both of us. Many times, in fear of losing my job, I might be too timid to ask. But she will give me the strength and ability to feel more confident. Even if she doesn’t say anything.
This idea is radical. It sounds like a parent and child situation. It’s not. It is a more effective way to make change. There are two ways that managers typically lead. One is by fear. “If you don’t make these changes, you will get fired!!!” This does not inspire me to be great and make changes. This is forcing me to begrudgingly do my job in fear of failure. Non effective. But then there’s the polar opposite, rule by reward. “Hey, I’m in a good mood today, here’s a ten percent raise!” Oddly enough, this doesn’t inspire me either. All this does, is tell me that I can do subpar work, and give little effort, because I’m going to receive a huge raise anyway.
Involving the spouse in performance reviews is a new alternative. My wife is my greatest inspiration. If you want to get change out of me, make her a part of my reason. If you want to feel inspired as a manager to help your employees grow and develop…involve the spouse. It makes it personal, and it holds you accountable for promises that you make to those employees. You will begin to see real growth and true effort from your employees. Why? Because their families are what is most important to them.
