”More” Than A Co-worker? How Companies Should Address Workplace Relationships

My marriage would crumble if my company had an anti-nepotism policy. Okay, maybe not crumble, but the relationship I have with my wife, who is also my company’s co-founder (and my co-worker), would definitely be different if we weren’t working together every day.

As a small business owner, I’m not alone in my thinking or in my position — being married to a coworker. In Utah, we frequently extend the idea of a family-friendly workplace to hiring, too. My guess is we’re no exception: businesses in other states probably hire just as many great referrals who happen to be related to an existing employee.

When my wife and I built our business, we hired people we knew and trusted — friends and relatives mostly. This helped us staff up quickly with people whose work ethics and motivations we were sure about. It took some of the fear of hiring the wrong person out of the equation. What business wouldn’t sign on for that?

But not every employee-employee relationship works out well in the workplace. Even if the relationship progresses without a hitch, problems can arise when other co-workers feel they’re not receiving equal treatment. And then there’s the simple fact that two co-workers who work closely with one another and are involved in a romantic relationship can inadvertently make other team members uncomfortable.

So, should your business stop hiring relatives of employees or ban dating entirely? No. A better plan is to implement a handful of smart policies, like the following, which can solve most problems before they ever start.

1. Create a workplace dating policy. My wife and I were married before we started our business, so workplace dating policies never applied to us. Still, it’s not a bad idea to set some guidelines for appropriate workplace behavior. Have employees sign the policy when they’re first hired and review it annually. You can find sample policies at SHRM.org
2. Conduct annual workplace anti-harassment training. Review your workplace’s dating policy each year with the whole team and let them know of any behavior that’s deemed “unacceptable” (check with an HR expert to determine what should be off limits). Also, ensure everyone knows how they should address and report questionable behavior.
3. Require workers to sign an acknowledgment of consensual relationship. This one gets a little tricky, particularly if a dating couple is keeping everything under wraps, so be sure that employees know up front that your HR rep will keep the relationship in complete confidence. Ultimately, however, you want employees to report their relationship to HR and sign a “love contract.” This is very important so that your company is protected in the event one of the two parties involved ever files a harassment claim.
4. Avoid having managers supervise a relative or someone they’re romantically involved with. Sometimes it’s best to simply move the subordinate person to a different department. End of story.
5. In the event a manager must supervise a relative or partner, the manager should keep detailed notes about ALL personnel decisions. Sometimes there’s no way to avoid the situation. Your responsibility then is to ensure the manager is making very objective decisions. That means they need to keep detailed notes about all employee matters, including pay raises, promotions, performance management, hiring, firing, and so on, whether it pertains to a person they’re in a personal relationship with or not.
6. Remind managers that favoritism won’t fly. Gifts, promotions, raises, preferential treatment, and so on should never be tied to a relationship or to any sexual demand or favors. Ever.

I personally don’t believe in banning employee relationships — strict nepotism clauses can be overzealous and ultimately prevent you from an amazing employee simply because of a shared bloodline. Plus, you want employees to enjoy going to work. Studies have shown that having a friend at work helps employees be more productive and makes them more satisfied with their jobs (which, to me, says “lower turnover”). For me, that’s my wife. We don’t always agree on everything, but I know how she works and I trust her decisions. As my co-worker, she helps make work a more natural extension of my life.

The goal with any relationship policies you set is to prevent potential conflict or allegations of nepotism. That’s it. Aside from that, it’s just fine to hire relatives when they’re the right candidates for the job. They give your business a huge advantage: you already know the potential of someone just like them.

John Farnsworth is the co-founder and CEO of Stratus.hr, a Utah-based, outsourced HR company that provides big business HR, benefits, payroll and expertise for small-business budgets. You can contact him directly at john_farnsworth@stratus.hr.