A Big Hole
“Since I gave up hope, I feel much better.”
About 30 years ago I found a pin with this saying on it. I bought it and wore it always. It was me, rebelling against a broken world that didn’t do much to assuage my naive idealism. I was angry that the world wasn’t interested in my idealistic vision. Now, 30 years later, and a little wiser, I’m finding the same lack of fulfillment.
It’s interesting, after three decades of adventuring, exploring, learning, and growing, one would think I’d have figure out how to fix the world, or myself. Neither of these has happened. #interesting
Seriously (we say that around our house — often). One would think that I’d have grown smart enough to fix the world. Nope. One would then surmise that I’d have figured out how to leave the world alone. Nope — apparently not. One might even think that I’d grow tired and lazy, and leave well enough alone. Nope.
Is it my fault I was born to be a world changer? Maybe not. But, maybe the world I need to change is inside of me?
Today I realized that the root of my disappointment is this big giant hole in my heart. It’s true. I have this enormous, God-sized hole in my heart. I keep trying to fill it with accomplishments and world-changing ideas. Many of my ideas are good ones, I promise. Some of them are way ahead of their time. Some are just crazy ideas, and still some are just not gaining any traction from the right people.
That leaves an unfulfilled void.
Take a creative innovator, and put him in a box. Take an insightful guy with a gift for strategy, leadership, and intellectual fantasies, and see how much he enjoys doing routine, mundane stuff. #notworking
This God-sized hole can only be filled with God. My church can’t fill it. My employer can’t fill it. Neither can my wife or my government. Money, sex, power, or prestige won’t fill it either.
The only thing that can fill this hole is God. Maybe I need to let Him?
Maybe I need to admit that I can’t fill it on my own — only He can. Maybe this is unmanageable?
Maybe that’s the First Step?
