Why Conflict Is Good & How You Can Use It
Fears, Problems, & Solutions
There is no question that teams are powerful. Things that make an impact are usually a result of a group of people all working toward a common goal. Although it’s clear teams are important, the reality of most teams is far from pristine. Teams have dysfunctions. One of which is the fear of conflict. In this post I will introduce this dysfunction, offer a solution, and list some of its key benefits.
The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
In the New York Times Best Seller, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni describes that teamwork is the ultimate competitive advantage [1]. It is easy to agree with this statement, and yet simultaneously know the reality of teams isn’t so rosy. Teams have problems. Lencioni breaks down these problems into 5 core dysfunctions shown in the figure above. Diving into all 5 of these dysfunctions is beyond the scope of this blog (there’s a whole book on that), so I will focus on one of them, the fear of conflict.
Fear of conflict is widespread. A tell-tale sign of this fear is what Lencioni calls “Artificial Harmony”. It is impossible for a group of two or more people to have zero conflict over a long period of time. No pair of people agree on absolutely everything, let alone a whole team.
What typically occurs is a team will have no obvious conflict. There will be no arguments, no drama, or no yelling. However, there will be hidden conflicts. Things that bother people, but no one brings up. This is like storing barrels of gasoline in the basement. All it takes is one spark to blow up the whole thing. What teams need are controlled burns. In other words, teams need controlled conflict. Which presents the solution to the fear of conflict: conflict itself.
The Solution: Conflict
Conflict is not appealing to anyone. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least. Like most uncomfortable things, people will do almost anything to avoid conflict. This conflict aversion kills honesty and undermines trust, and teams fail without honesty and trust. A counterintuitive remedy to this fear is conflict itself.
Most fears stem from the unknown rather than actual danger. In fact, something dangerous yet familiar is not scary. An example is driving. Commuting is probably the most dangerous thing people do on a daily basis, yet no one is afraid to drive to work. The familiarity of driving kills the fear. The more you do something and survive, the less scary it becomes. Likewise, the more conflict a team survives, the less scary it becomes.
Benefits of Conflict
Conflict has two major benefits beyond dispelling this core dysfunction. First, conflict indicates a diversity of perspectives. Diversity is a requirement for solving a diverse set of problems. If your team doesn’t disagree on anything, that’s a problem. Second, conflict builds trust. When people can work together to overcome a challenge, disagreement, or conflict, a bond is formed or strengthened. Don’t be so ready to shy away from conflict, it is a critical ingredient for a successful team.
Reality of Conflict
Conflict isn’t just arguments, it’s a spectrum. It is everything from rational disagreement to full-blown fistfights. Although this doesn’t directly help with our natural aversion toward conflict, it gives teams flexibility in how they engage in controlled conflicts. Some examples are: normalizing criticism, encouraging everyone to give their take, and promoting productive discourse.
Leveraging Conflict
There will always be natural friction around conflict. Instead of this holding us back, we can use this as a “conflict detector”. In other words, when we feel an aversion toward a given action, it may be a sign of underlying conflict. Therefore, a feeling of repulsion can help identify conflict that is not so obvious.
A simple rule of thumb is: If you don’t want to do it, you probably should. This could mean sharing an idea that may not be so popular with your team or approaching a teammate for a potentially uncomfortable conversation.
Just as discomfort can be a sign of underlying conflict, conflict is a sign of underlying insecurity. Although this may not sound like a good thing, it presents powerful opportunities. Namely, conflict is a signal that there is room to grow. The only way to learn the details of the insecurity is to pull on the thread of discomfort.
This suggests a 3 step protocol for growth:
Move toward discomfort → uncover conflicts → discover insecurities
Although some conflicts are more productive than others, I believe all conflict is good given a single requirement is met. Any conflict is good if the parties are willing to see it through. People need to be willing to stick around for the resolution. When this requirement is not satisfied, conflict can destroy a team, instead of empowering it.
Worst Thing For a Team
Lastly, people think conflict is the worst thing that can happen to a team. Although conflict can destroy a team, the worst thing for a team is not conflict, it’s apathy. Apathy is a signal that the cost of being on the team outweighs the benefits. It means people have opted out. A team is nothing without its members, and as members opt out, the team diminishes. Apathy is the start of a countdown. Unfortunately, most teams don’t stop the count, just delay it. Nevertheless, as long as there is apathy, the end of a team is inevitable.
Key Takeaways
- The fear of conflict is a fundamental team dysfunction with a counterintuitive solution, conflict itself
- Although an affinity to conflict is unnatural, it uncovers tremendous opportunities
- All conflict is good given everyone is willing to see it through to the resolution
Conclusion
It probably sounds like I’m telling you to punch your irritating co-workers in the face. While I don’t agree with this approach, I think bringing the underlying conflict to the surface will benefit the relationship, given both parties are willing to see it through.
We are emotional creatures and sometimes our human nature gets in our own way. We tend to avoid conflict whenever possible, and this is not the best long-term strategy for a team. Conflict may feel bad, but it is good for relationships. It is a sign of diversity, it fosters trust, and it signals deeper insecurities.
Don’t be so quick to shy away from conflict just cause it’s scary, it is part of a healthy and productive relationship.
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[1] The Five Dysfunctions of a Team By Patrick Lencioni
